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What Matters?

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Why?

 “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain

question mark in the sky

Living a life full of purpose has been my mission since my mother’s ended so abruptly in a car accident more than a decade ago. While a tragedy, that loss became my blessing and began to show me the why.

The why hasn’t come easily or with a lighting bolt, but rather a slow unraveling of signs that continue to guide me in clarifying my purpose. There are days that I know I am living it and giving all I have to make the world a better place. Those days are the ones when my gifts are used to their greatest potential and the greatest good. But those are often far and few between, it is those other days that the questions persist.

Why? What is my purpose? I want to believe that it is that singular question that drives us throughout our lives. I can only hope that at the end we know that we have given our best, loved deeply, shown compassion and lived a life full of purpose…and perhaps have the answer.

Charity Matters.

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Addicted to philanthropy?

photo via Money Magazine
photo via Money Magazine

As you all know, I have been doing more than my share of soul-searching these past few months. A second son off to college, an almost empty nest, the approach of that “big birthday,” a move and a host of other life adventures are just a few of the things that have triggered this reflection.

One of the things I have been really looking at is how I spend my time. Is my time a true reflection of what is important to me? The answer is a bit of a mixed bag and has me wondering if I am addicted to philanthropy? Serving others is a rush, an incredible feeling of knowing that you did something to make someone else’s life better but somewhere along the line there needs to be a balance….or so I am told.

I have interviewed and met so many incredible people through Charity Matters and believe it or not, I am not the only one with this “service addiction.” No, I am not saying that it is somehow ok because I have company, but what I do find fascinating is how many of us are out there. People who just can’t get enough of giving their time to causes (often many) that they are passionate about.

Recent studies by Northwestern University Medical School neurologist, Jordan Graftman have shown that the brain’s frontal lobe lights up in MRI’s when people give and the brain’s pleasure and reward circuits rev into high gear as well, releasing dopamine to the brain. So there is and physiological and chemical reaction that provides the same great feelings that food, sugar, sex and some drugs provide.

Doing anything to an extreme is never a good idea, even philanthropy. As I ponder, how to give my time and energy to what and who is most important in my life. I am questioning where I spend this precious gift and how it is best used. Being an addict is never good but I suppose if I had to pick a vice, it sure could be worse.

Charity Matters.

 

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Dreaming Big

10 year founders SCG copy 2

I was raised by parents who told me I could do or be anything and somewhere along the line I began to believe them. “No” has never been a word in my vocabulary, for better or for worse.  Did I mention that being  stubborn is also part of the equation? The result of this is being a bit of big dreamer.

Over a decade ago, a friend reached out and asked a group of us girls for help. He was the one of two chaplains at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles. He shared his vision for help, support, families having chaplains of all faiths before surgeries, end of life, celebrations and simply someone trained to listen and provide faith and hope. It was a tall order for a group of women who had never started a non-profit before but a perfect big dream.

Within a year of the launch of The Spiritual Care Guild we had chaplains 24 hours a day 7 days a week. But big dreamers don’t stop at that, they keep going because once one dream is achieved, its time to make the dream bigger. Each year the Spiritual Care Department grew as did its integral role in the hospital, with staff and patient families.

Like all good dreams, they can’t come to an end. Then five years ago, the dream expanded to having a chapel that would accommodate people of all faiths, families, patients, staff and give them a place to pray, to think, to hope and to dream. This was the biggest dream of all, especially in a hospital where real estate is reserved for medicine and all that goes with providing excellent health care to tiny patients.

However, last week that dream became a reality. I stood in the physical space, now a construction site, that will become the new Interfaith Center at CHLA. It was such an amazing moment to see what happens when people come together with a common goal, a big dream and a huge team effort. Dreams do come true and the bigger the dream the better!

Charity Matters.

 

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A Gift from the Sea

A gift from the sea pic

As I mentioned last week, the need to run, to escape and to take a breathe….I found myself heading towards the ocean with a gloomy mind on a brilliant sunny day. Salt, sea and sand have been a life long source of peace, happiness and comfort. I realized quickly that I wasn’t running but rather running on empty. That vicious cycle of giving until there was nothing to give.

I arrived with journals, stacks of books, and “plans to relax.” However, the ocean had bigger plans. The sound of surf that lulls you to nap, the warm water that calls you in and the miles of sand that beg to be walked upon and the pile of projects quickly became a distant thought.

One book that I brought along with me was Anne Morrow Lindenberg’s, A Gift From The Sea. As I opened the first chapter these words told me all I needed to know,”One becomes, in fact, like the element on which one lies, flattened by the sea; bare, open, empty as the beach, erased by today’s tides and of all yesterday’s scribblings.”

I came to the sea for peace, solitude and renewal but what the sea gave me was much more. It gave me the moment to look inward for strength, to find my core and to know that giving must come with purpose. Anne Lindenberg’s words were my thoughts, “Only when one is connected to ones own core is one connected to others. For me, the core, the inner spring, can be best refound through solitude.”

As I leave the beach on a gloomy cloudy day it is with a sunny attitude for all that lies ahead, for the gratitude of friends, family and the life I am blessed to have and with a renewed focus on what really matters.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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Find Your Sanctuary

find your sanctuary

On the heels of the “mid-life crisis” post, a girlfriend sent this to me.  It spoke to me beyond words and was created for a new ad campaign in Great Britain called Find Your Sanctuary.

Next week, I have decided to go in search of my sanctuary for a few days. A time to relax, breathe, reflect, write and simply be.

Charity Matters.

 

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Are you a Global Citizen?

are you a global citizen?

The other day I took our first-born to his new college, yes he is transferring. As a result, I sat through yet another college orientation, my second in 2 weeks. Having now been through three of these events, I found myself fascinated that all of these institutions of higher learning keep speaking of our teenagers as “global citizens.”

Yes, I have known since my first time at Disneyland that, “It’s a Small World After all” but this term, “global citizen,” has become a constant reference at these orientations. It seems to be a new SAT vocabulary word or perhaps something from the new version of the college dictionary?  Regardless, the question these great institutions are asking of their students is how will you contribute to the world? Pretty strong stuff for kids that were just at Senior prom a few months ago….just saying.

The question began making me think, what is my answer. How am I contributing to the world? Wow, even halfway through my life with a handful of ideas that is such a big question. Yet, it is an awesome question to ask yourself. Is there something that I have done that makes our world, our universe, our planet a better place? Answer: stay tuned.

I think whats even more exciting is that our children are beginning to ask themselves at such an early age as to how can they use their gifts to make our world better. If that what college is teaching these days, then I think we are on the right path. It is a small world after all.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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Rachel’s First Week

Rachels first week2

As thousands of us packed up our children and sent them off to college this past week, I thought it was important to share the story of a young college coed named Rachel Fiege. A story, which is every parents worst nightmare, one that we hear every year and sadly one that continues to be told over and over.

The story of a young girl Rachel, an incoming freshman at IU, who goes off to her first week of college full of hope and promise until a night of drinking ends in tragedy.

While the story is tragic, it is the message of hope that comes in taking this senseless tragedy and turning it into a mission to avoid it reoccurring in the future. Taking this devastating loss and empowering these new college freshman to mentor high school seniors to avoid this story from ever being told again.

Charity Matters.

 

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Its done

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Well, its done. He is launched. We did all of the obligatory schlepping, moving, buying, unpacking and settling in that comes with sending a child off to college. A lifetime of work boiled down to a few short crazy days and then in a blink its done.

A huge smile and a hug from our son, as he told me,”Don’t cry Mom its going to be okay.” Of course it is and he is right (words he will love to read in print, by the way). But “okay” somehow isn’t enough.

When our son was a newborn, we went to a party and put him under a table, while he napped in his car seat. We left the party with our toddler and 20 minutes later realized that the baby was not with us. A sickening feeling, that I will never forget, took over my body as we rushed back to find our beautiful son, asleep exactly where we had left him under the picnic table.

Today, eighteen years later, that same feeling is back. It sounds so crazy and yet, I feel like I went home from the party without him and every maternal extinct is screaming, go back! Go back!  Nature can be so cruel, this primitive instinct of mothers and children is so hard-wired into us, regardless of the circumstances and our intellect.

While the job of parenting is never done, for now I will try to overcome this incredible sadness, that an amazing chapter in my life has closed and a wonderful new one has opened for our son.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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A mother’s sendoff

 

“Mother is her son’s first god; she must teach him the most important lesson of all – how to love.”

    T. F. Hodge

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This is it. The boxes are packed and tomorrow we leave to send our second son off to college. Many have said these past few weeks, “you have another son or you have done this before, it won’t be that hard.” Well, I am here to say that if I had a hundred children or just three, each time one leaves a piece of my heart is ripped out.

Our second son, is an amazing young man and is ready to fly. He is kind, compassionate, strong, smart, funny, sensitive and determined. He is the kind of person that walks into a room and lights it up with his smile and confidence. This is simply who he is, and has always been.

We are so proud of him and yet saying goodbye is agonizing. My brain knows that he is heading to an amazing school and that he will thrive. My heart however, is breaking. I know that this is a journey thousands of mothers are going through and a right of passage into manhood. The passage from this mother’s view is blurred, as the tears pour down my cheeks and I watch part of my heart walk ahead towards his future.

Charity Matters.

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Mothers to the Rescue

Mothers to the rescue George DeLaRosa Loyola High SchoolOur sons have all attended a high school with the motto, “Men for Others.” Service is at the core of the school’s philosophy.  As a result, the most remarkable young men come from this school and George De La Rosa, is no exception. When I heard what this junior in high school has done, it brought tears to my eyes. George is the founder of the volunteer service called Mothers to the Rescue. He was inspired to help children who are growing up without a mother, as he has. His goal, to simply provide a mom…even if temporarily…. to help provide those “mom moments” of back to school shopping, getting ready for prom or even the holidays.

“I created this organization because I was forced to grow up throughout most of my life without a mother. When I was seven, my mother unexpectedly died due to a complication during surgery. I want to give others what I never had and that is the opportunity of having a strong helpful mother figure to teach him/her lessons that only a woman can teach.  I want to provide others with the opportunity to have a strong woman who can “come to the rescue” and help shop for school clothes, prepare for proms, dates, and have the ability to ask any questions about life.”

George began pairing his volunteer moms with children in need just around Valentine’s Day this past year and is currently applying for his non-profit status.

“Every Child deserves a mother, and I want to afford all young people who grew up without a mom, the opportunity to experience love and life lessons from a woman.” George is living proof of being a “Man for others” and I am sure his mother is smiling down on him and all those children whose lives he changes.

Charity Matters.

 

Copyright © 2015 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.

For Max

For max

As many of you have read here, Max Paige (aka Little Darth Vadar) and his family have become dear friends of Charity Matters. Max was born with a congenital heart defect and over the course of the last 10 years has had 9 surgeries. This week Max will undergo yet another surgery on his heart.

His mother Jennifer said, “When Max was an infant, he had an incredible will to live. At age 4, he asked how much surgery would hurt? At 7, he wanted to know why he needed to go through with this and now at 10 he is keenly aware of time and how precious it is.”

Max and his family have used his celebrity and innate goodness as a platform for so many wonderful causes. He is wise beyond his years and he and his brother are two of the most philanthropic young people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, thanks to their inspiring parents.

This is his theme song for the next leg of his journey and I wanted to share it all with you, in hopes that you can send a prayer or kind thought his way in the next few days and weeks.

Max as always uses his experience to make others lives better, even at the tender age of 10. His hope is that if someone is inspired to do something because of his journey, that they would consider supporting a place that has given him so much and become a second home, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and the Heart Ambassadors program. Max here is to you and the good fight!

Charity Matters.

A new beginning

A new beginning

The expression that life is a mystery is top of mind today. This past week I have had so many friends lose loved ones, grandfathers, friends, fathers and brothers. The pain of loss is unbearable and to watch others experience it just opens old wounds. It isn’t empathy that I feel, but foreboding.  I have taken that road and know how hard the path ahead is. I want to warn them, shout and tell them the way but it is theirs to walk and my words will not be understood until the journey is completed.

And yet, each loss magnifies how precious our lives are. What we do with them, how we chose to use these lives and who we spend them with. Each minute is a choice and a precious gift. Do we want the “resume life” with list of accomplishments and boxes checked? Or do we want the “eulogy life”? One filled with stories of love, friendships, families, moments and joy? We get to choose, it is ours to decide.

So as I enter year 5 of Charity Matters, I choose a eulogy life. Every moment telling those around me that I love them, savoring every breath, flower, smile and moment and using whatever is left to give back to this beautiful world, the life it has given me.

Charity Matters.

 

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Enlightenment, a slow process

I’m not sure if it’s getting older or perhaps wiser, but lately it seems that digesting information takes more than a few minutes but rather days to sink in. So, last week when the Dalai lama spoke I found myself taking copious notes and trying to take it all in.

As I sat there listening to this incredible man, I felt like a young student trying to cram for test, wanting to absorb the wisdom being shared. A week later I am still chewing on it. So perhaps sharing it here will help me process and practice His Holiness’s wisdom.

Here are a few of his words: “Happiness is a skill and compassion needs to be cultivated  Producing a good heart is just as important as a clever brain.” The Dalai lama went onto say that in his 80 years he has already seen great change. He has watched billions of people realize that no one wins in a war, he has seem man realize the importance of the environment and he believes that,”this century has the potential to be known as the peaceful compassionate century.”

His Holiness, inspired hope in our future and asked all of us to change our mental diet by practicing simple acts of kindness. As I continue to process all of this wisdom, I know that practicing this work is where the real learning happens and that enlightenment is a slow process.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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Scott Neesom, The Cambodian Children’s Fund

Scott neesom and cambodiam childrens fund

Since my “enlightenment” this past week in the presence of his Holiness the Dalai lama, I began to research who else his Holiness spends his time with. In this search, I can across the most amazing man and story. His name is Scott Neesom and his journey during his short 56 years is simply remarkable.

As a young man, Scott grew up in Australia and wasn’t much of a student, dropping out of school at 17. He ended up working in a movie theater and before long had climbed the corporate ladder to film promoter, then buyer and in a relatively short amount of time, was head of distribution for 20th Century Fox in Australia. Before he knew it, Scott was in Los Angeles, very successful and within seven years was the President of 20th Century Fox International.

Three years later, in 2003, Scott was on a five-week vacation in Cambodia, when he asked to be taken to  Phmon Penh, the 18 acre garbage dump. Upon arriving, Neesom saw an incredible site which he describes as “an apocalypse” with over 1,000 children living and surviving from the trash and poverty beyond imagination.

“The moment I stepped there it was the single most impactful moment in my life. I was standing there facing into the abyss. The smell was almost visible.There’s this sudden moment when you realise it’s people – it’s children and they’re working. There were kids everywhere. In some cases, they’d been left there by parents that didn’t want them. They’d be going through the rubbish looking for recyclable, metals, plastic bottles making maybe 25 cents a day.”

Scott returned home a changed man and knew that he needed to do something. The following year, in 2004, he created the Cambodian Children’s Fund. He began the fund by quitting his seven-figure job and selling all of his possessions, cars, boats, homes and funneled them into saving these children.

What began more than a decade ago, as one man’s mission to save 87 children, has today cared for more than 2,000 students and 10,000 people annually providing to entire families and communities in crisis. Scott recently met the Dalai Lama, who told him, “Karma means action. Real impact comes from action, not just thinking.”  If there is one thing Scott Neesom’s life is about, it is action and karma.

Charity Matters.

 

Copyright © 2015 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.