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For Max

For max

As many of you have read here, Max Paige (aka Little Darth Vadar) and his family have become dear friends of Charity Matters. Max was born with a congenital heart defect and over the course of the last 10 years has had 9 surgeries. This week Max will undergo yet another surgery on his heart.

His mother Jennifer said, “When Max was an infant, he had an incredible will to live. At age 4, he asked how much surgery would hurt? At 7, he wanted to know why he needed to go through with this and now at 10 he is keenly aware of time and how precious it is.”

Max and his family have used his celebrity and innate goodness as a platform for so many wonderful causes. He is wise beyond his years and he and his brother are two of the most philanthropic young people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, thanks to their inspiring parents.

This is his theme song for the next leg of his journey and I wanted to share it all with you, in hopes that you can send a prayer or kind thought his way in the next few days and weeks.

Max as always uses his experience to make others lives better, even at the tender age of 10. His hope is that if someone is inspired to do something because of his journey, that they would consider supporting a place that has given him so much and become a second home, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and the Heart Ambassadors program. Max here is to you and the good fight!

Charity Matters.

A new beginning

A new beginning

The expression that life is a mystery is top of mind today. This past week I have had so many friends lose loved ones, grandfathers, friends, fathers and brothers. The pain of loss is unbearable and to watch others experience it just opens old wounds. It isn’t empathy that I feel, but foreboding.  I have taken that road and know how hard the path ahead is. I want to warn them, shout and tell them the way but it is theirs to walk and my words will not be understood until the journey is completed.

And yet, each loss magnifies how precious our lives are. What we do with them, how we chose to use these lives and who we spend them with. Each minute is a choice and a precious gift. Do we want the “resume life” with list of accomplishments and boxes checked? Or do we want the “eulogy life”? One filled with stories of love, friendships, families, moments and joy? We get to choose, it is ours to decide.

So as I enter year 5 of Charity Matters, I choose a eulogy life. Every moment telling those around me that I love them, savoring every breath, flower, smile and moment and using whatever is left to give back to this beautiful world, the life it has given me.

Charity Matters.

 

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Enlightenment, a slow process

I’m not sure if it’s getting older or perhaps wiser, but lately it seems that digesting information takes more than a few minutes but rather days to sink in. So, last week when the Dalai lama spoke I found myself taking copious notes and trying to take it all in.

As I sat there listening to this incredible man, I felt like a young student trying to cram for test, wanting to absorb the wisdom being shared. A week later I am still chewing on it. So perhaps sharing it here will help me process and practice His Holiness’s wisdom.

Here are a few of his words: “Happiness is a skill and compassion needs to be cultivated  Producing a good heart is just as important as a clever brain.” The Dalai lama went onto say that in his 80 years he has already seen great change. He has watched billions of people realize that no one wins in a war, he has seem man realize the importance of the environment and he believes that,”this century has the potential to be known as the peaceful compassionate century.”

His Holiness, inspired hope in our future and asked all of us to change our mental diet by practicing simple acts of kindness. As I continue to process all of this wisdom, I know that practicing this work is where the real learning happens and that enlightenment is a slow process.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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Scott Neesom, The Cambodian Children’s Fund

Scott neesom and cambodiam childrens fund

Since my “enlightenment” this past week in the presence of his Holiness the Dalai lama, I began to research who else his Holiness spends his time with. In this search, I can across the most amazing man and story. His name is Scott Neesom and his journey during his short 56 years is simply remarkable.

As a young man, Scott grew up in Australia and wasn’t much of a student, dropping out of school at 17. He ended up working in a movie theater and before long had climbed the corporate ladder to film promoter, then buyer and in a relatively short amount of time, was head of distribution for 20th Century Fox in Australia. Before he knew it, Scott was in Los Angeles, very successful and within seven years was the President of 20th Century Fox International.

Three years later, in 2003, Scott was on a five-week vacation in Cambodia, when he asked to be taken to  Phmon Penh, the 18 acre garbage dump. Upon arriving, Neesom saw an incredible site which he describes as “an apocalypse” with over 1,000 children living and surviving from the trash and poverty beyond imagination.

“The moment I stepped there it was the single most impactful moment in my life. I was standing there facing into the abyss. The smell was almost visible.There’s this sudden moment when you realise it’s people – it’s children and they’re working. There were kids everywhere. In some cases, they’d been left there by parents that didn’t want them. They’d be going through the rubbish looking for recyclable, metals, plastic bottles making maybe 25 cents a day.”

Scott returned home a changed man and knew that he needed to do something. The following year, in 2004, he created the Cambodian Children’s Fund. He began the fund by quitting his seven-figure job and selling all of his possessions, cars, boats, homes and funneled them into saving these children.

What began more than a decade ago, as one man’s mission to save 87 children, has today cared for more than 2,000 students and 10,000 people annually providing to entire families and communities in crisis. Scott recently met the Dalai Lama, who told him, “Karma means action. Real impact comes from action, not just thinking.”  If there is one thing Scott Neesom’s life is about, it is action and karma.

Charity Matters.

 

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What is summer without camp?

Spirit rally 2013I never went to sleep away camp as a child. I have to confess, I was really happy hanging out with my friends and being at home. However, whenever my friends who went to camp returned, they always seemed different, more grown up…as if something had shifted in them in the short time they were away. It did make me wonder, what really happens at camp?

Flash forward a few decades and finally it is my turn to go to camp. No, not just because its summer, but as many of you know, I run a non-profit summer leadership camp. A crazy wonderful twist of fate that gives me a summer full of camp and answers all those questions I pondered so long ago.

This past weekend, as I watched the counselors arrive, most alumni of our camp, their excitement to see one another, their life long friendships and deep connection to one another and our camp….I realized that if these amazing individuals were the product of what we do, then I had really missed out.

Its taken time to now know what camp is……. showing up afraid, alone and making a friend. Camp is arriving as a blank sheet with no prior history, labels or expectations and re-writing your story, any way you want. Camp is being able to find and be your best self with a group of like-minded students that are simply trying to do the same. Camp is independence away from your family and proving to yourself that you do know what your toothbrush is without being told. Most of all camp is really, really fun. The games, the dances, the talent shows and competitions.

So, this summer as I prepare for camp, I am excited, nervous, happy and hoping that your never too old for camp and that just maybe I will seem a little more grown up when it’s over.

Charity Matters.

 

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The gift of a break

“A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking.” 

Earl Wilson

the gift of vacation

This past week was an amazing celebration of graduations, family, friendships, ceremony and the never-ending passage of time. So much joy, so many parties and never have I needed a little break more, to catch my breath, regroup and sit, than now.

Honestly, there is never a good time to leave work, because work never ends. For me, running a summer program, this is not the best time. The best time, is when you need it, which makes this the best time. A day or two to slow down, process everything and begin to think about the coming weeks ahead.

Tomorrow is my 49th birthday and this is my gift to myself. The gift of a moment, the most perfect gift. Slipping away to sit on the sand, a walk on a beach and feeling grateful. If the countdown to 50 brings the wisdom to know when to slow down, then I welcome it with open arms.

Until then, I am sitting in this moment with heart full of love and life full of gratitude.

Charity Matters.

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The beginning of an ending

“Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”

Kongzi

the beginning of an ending

This weekend marks the beginning of an ending. This week our family celebrates two graduations, our youngest off to high school and our middle son off to college. It is a happy, crazy, emotional roller coaster ride of a week. This is not our first graduation and you would think that each ceremony somehow prepares you for the next, for me this is not the case.

Each one of our children has had their own journey, their trials, struggles and their triumphs. Each ceremony brings to light the steps of each ones paths. For our youngest son, he will be celebrating graduation with a class he joined only a year and a half ago. Yet, it feels as if he has been there forever by all. It will be a week of traditions and celebrations to launch him towards high school.

The graduation that I can not seem to process is my middle son. While he may look like a high school hero on the outside,  his journey these past few years has not been as seamless as it appears. He has had roadblocks like anyone, but in the face of these obstacles, he has always taken the high road. He has taught us grace, made us smile, showed us incredible dedication to his friends, team and school. Everyone knows their children are special, but he has shown us through his compassion towards all, what that word really means.

My heart overflows with pride in thinking about who he has become and how proud I am to be his mom. So as I try to process all that goes on this week, I keep trying to remind myself that we have done great work as parents and how lucky the world is to be getting these remarkable young men.

Beginnings and endings they all are part of the circle we call life. As we close these chapters, we go forward with full hearts towards the next.

Charity Matters.

The last lunch

last lunch

Every morning, five days a week, for 15 years has begun the same way…pulling out a brown paper bag. The morning ritual of coffee and lunches is as much a part of my day as breathing. It is something that on auto pilot, my brain just does…..until now.

Today, is the last time I will make two. Today, is the last lunch for my high school senior. Of all the crazy things to get sentimental about, it seems so strange and yet it really is the perfect metaphor for the journey.

That plain brown bag is just like my son. When he went off to kindergarten, his name was boldly placed on his bag with smiley faces as he began school. Everyday we filled that brown sack with love, the gift of time, patience, gallons of peanut butter and jelly and commitment. Sometimes, even something unexpected ended up in that bag.

Many a day, I found it smashed up in the bottom of the backpack crumpled and broken, just as many a day, was the young man it belonged too. Whether that brown lunch bag was crumpled, perfectly creased, empty or full it was always evolving and we were always there filling it up.

Now, this morning that brown bag is covered with huge rolling tear drops, as I fill it for the last time. My heart is breaking. Rather than being giddy about this tedious task being wiped from my routine, I find myself devastated at the loss.  I would make lunches a thousand times over to have some more of those precious moments back.

Of course, we are thrilled that he is moving onto college cafeterias, where other people will feed him, but somehow knowing this is the last lunch is more than my heart can bear. So, today I will write his name big and bold with a huge heart and send him off knowing his bag is full and he is loved.

Charity Matters.

 

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A Widow’s Memorial Day

Taya Kyle and her children walk behind the coffin of her slain husband former Navy SEAL Chris Kyle during a memorial service for the former sniper at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington

Memorial Day is a day to remember and honor those who have served and sacrificed for our country. No one understands this more than a military spouse.  The other day when I saw this piece on CBS News This Morning, I knew I needed to share. It is a letter from Taya Kyle, Chris Kyle’s widow, to herself. To me this puts Memorial Day in perspective and I hope it does the same for you.

Today, think about all of those service men, service women and their families who give so much to each of us.

 

Charity Matters.

 

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Just Think

just think, bill gates

This past weekend I was up in Northern California for a board retreat. We were in the beautiful hills of Los Altos and it was a time to reflect, slow down the pace and “just think.”

As I pondered the takeaways of the weekend, I recalled a story that Bill Gates Sr. shared at a different board retreat a few years back. He was asked the question, “Was there any early indicator that your son (Bill Gates Jr.) was destined for great success?” Bill Sr. thought for a moment and shared a story about his teenage son.

He told the crowd that their family had loaded up the station wagon with children, pets and the like to head out-of-town to ski for the weekend. No one could find Bill Junior.  Bill’s mother went searching through the house hollering for Bill. When she opened the door to his room, there was Bill laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling in a quiet room. His mother said to young Bill, “What are you doing? We have all been looking for you, yelling and waiting?” Bill Jr. looked up at his mom thoughtfully and said, “I was just thinking. Do you ever just think?”

As Bill Sr. shared that story with the room, he said that his son had always taken the time to simply “just think.” That story has stayed with me over the years and as I was given the gift of time to reflect, slow down and “just think” it occurred to me that, “thinking” is a gift each of us needs to give ourselves. When was the last time you were “just thinking?”

Charity Matters.

 

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A funny thing

A funny thing

As I mentioned, we recently put our house on the market. We have no plan but just threw it out to the universe because it simply seems like the right time with our second son leaving for college. While keeping beds made (with boys), the house picked up and clearing out for showings at a moments notice is no picnic, there has been an amazing transformation in our family in the last two weeks…..gratitude.

Every time we look at a potential nest for our clan, we hear “this room isn’t as nice as the one I have” or “our kitchen is better” and on it goes.  Even my husband and I find ourselves at night, saying how much we love the old beautiful wood floors in our house and how blessed we feel to live in this very special place. While we have always loved our home, it is the twisted human condition, that you don’t appreciate what you have until its gone which has hit our household.

Perhaps, at the end of the day if we don’t find the “right” next stop and stay in our home, then maybe that’s the lesson in this journey. Afterall, I now know for a fact that my boys know how to make a bed, keep their room clean at all times and that they truly realize the blessings of home. If that is the end result of this process, with or without a moving truck, then I would have to say its a move more than worth taking.

Charity Matters.

 

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The benefits of failure

Benefits of failure

As this week is all about college graduations, commencements and a life lessons crammed into speeches.. A friend and Charity Matters reader recently shared this with me and it was so wonderful I needed to do the same with you. It is a Harvard commencement speech given by the famous author JK Rowling of Harry Potter fame. Her words of wisdom are not just for graduates but for all and her message of the benefits of failure, reads like a road map to success, as long as you pay attention to the signs along the way.

Here are the highlights for those that do not have the gift of 20 minutes (although a gift it is).

“I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

“If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.”

Charity Matters.

 

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Back in the nest

GARF8452

It seems that just yesterday, I was writing to you about loss and my first-born leaving the nest.  I blinked, a year flew by and my nest is full once again. On friday, the last final exam was taken, the UPS truck arrived with boxes, a precursor of what was to come…. and then my husband hustled to the airport to bring our son home from his first year at college.

A scene that is happening everywhere this time of year, but for me, the moment took me by surprise. Yes, I knew he was coming home but what I didn’t realize was the level of joy, gratitude and love I would feel in that moment. A single hug that filled my soul and made me complete. Twenty years of parenting did not prepare me for that embrace.

My mind replays a thousand images of my son running into my arms, as a toddler, a little boy with a bloody knee, a young man with a broken heart and now here we are.  Each moment more precious than the next, a treasure chest full of memories that makes up a life.

It is now with the gift of perspective, that I understand how fleeting these gifts are and savor every embrace that reminds me of the wonderful gift it is to be a mother. My gratitude, heart and nest are beyond measure.

Charity Matters.

 

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Charity Matters Quotes: Commitment

 “Commitment is an act, not a word.” 

Jean-Paul Sartre

comittment

As the school year creeps closer and closer to the finish line, which is summer….I am tired. Students are tired, teachers are tired and it feels as if the countdown has begun. It is this time of year, when the sun is out,  that the last thing anyone wants to do is work. This is when the word commitment kicks in.

It is easy to give up, slow down or even stop. It is a commitment to self, to cause and to purpose that propels us forward in the home stretch. As we anticipate the lazy days of summer, it is that commitment that will get us the finish line.

Charity Matters.

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