What Matters – Charity Matters

Charity Matters Inspiration October 14, 2020

Falling back, a season of change

“Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

It is officially fall, a season of change, and a time to witness the glory of fall leaves and shed the old before moving ahead. It is a season of change. Living in Southern California Fall isn’t usually a season for us. Sure we all fake it with decor and pumpkins but nature isn’t showing us the way as it does in the rest of the country. So this weekend, as I head to the east to catch a glimpse of real Fall, I find myself pondering the greater meaning of the changing of the seasons.

Change

These past seven months every one of us has faced extraordinary change in one way or another. Whether it’s as simple as not going to church, as difficult as not going to school, or as complicated as health issues, missing elderly family members, financial struggles, or employment. In one way or another, we have all experienced incredible change and loss. Some days it feels as if we are living in an alternate universe with our sense of “normalcy” gone. Many of us are waiting for things to “return to normal.”

LOSS

We cling to the past and life as we knew it. Much as a tree tries to hold onto its leaves as fall tries to shake them down. I think about the changes some of our oldest citizens have witnessed in their lifetimes. Some born before the 1918 pandemic witnessed World War I, the Great Depression, World War II, and the list goes on. Each major world event created enormous loss and each event changed life as they knew it forever. The leaves fell off, one by one as each old way of life was blown away. No matter how hard we try to hold on, the change is here and it is inevitable.

Honestly, for me, I think I am just beginning to process it all. So much happened so quickly between the pandemic, the economic aftermath, George Floyd, hurricanes in the south, and then our wildfires here in the west. Those fires, some of which still burn, have destroyed more than a million trees that will not grow this year. Just as the pandemic has taken more than a million lives across the globe. The loss is unimaginable in so many ways.

Regrowth

However, if there is one thing I know about the forest, is that after a fire and complete destruction. The soil is fertilized and ready to begin again. That change, even the change of colors on the most beautiful fall tree will lead to loss. And that loss whether of a way of life, of a loved one, of a job, of school, will inevitably lead to a rebirth.

I will be walking in the fall foliage this weekend, seeing the beauty of change and the shedding of old leaves. I will be thinking about the opportunity for growth, a place to start anew, and a moment to mourn the beauty of what was.

CHARITY MATTERS.

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Charity Matters Inspiration March 25, 2020

The Reset

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

Henry David Thoreau

To be honest I have somewhat lost count of days. We went into self-quarantine on March 12th after returning from our trip. We have everyone home and are safe. Like you, we are wondering what’s next? It is a surreal time for every human on the planet. I am trying to find a new normal with work and the boy’s home while continuing to provide content that provides a little inspiration during these difficult times.

While I have a handful of interviews cued up, it somehow does not seem like business as usual and the next few week’s posts are probably going to be more on the state of things than our usual conversations and interviews. There will be time for that once we are through this. So for now, I wanted to share this poem I came across by Jeff Foster. It brought me to pause, reflect, to find grace and gratitude amongst uncertainty and I hope it does the same for you:

When y0u shift your focus from what is absent to what is present,

From what is missing to what has been given,

From what you are not to who you are,

From the ravages of linear time, to the immediacy of Now

You are reconnecting with love, truth, and beauty and abundance is yours effortlessly.

For in truth, nothing is lacking where you are,

Nothing is missing from the present scene of the movie of your life,

And you are forever full and at the point of completion.

The only reason you cannot find Oneness is because you never left.

The day is just waiting to be lived.

So breathe in life friend, breathe in life.

Charity Matters

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Charity Matters Inspiration April 17, 2019

The Unity of Adversity

This week’s fire at Notre Dame affected me more than I realized and while I was planning on sharing a different story, I found myself needing to shift gears. Over the years I have written many posts about loss and the multitude of ways in which it affects our lives. Loss and adversity do many things, it breaks our hearts, it makes us sad and it unites us in a shared experience and brings us together in community. The fire at Notre Dame did all of that; a huge loss for the world and in the ruins we see the beauty of people coming together in shared grief.

For many of us, when we think about Notre Dame we think of our first trip to Paris and the wonder of it all. For me the first time I saw the beautiful landmark was a trip with my mom after I graduated from college. So many of us posted our pictures standing in front of the iconic cathedral over the decades on social media in the aftermath of the fire. A shared experience that hundreds of thousands of us experience each year. We came together via Instagram, Facebook, our modern-day community to mourn and to unite with those images.

Notre Dame has always been about bringing people together, imagine the community that built that iconic structure over 850 years ago? For over two centuries families came together in to build the cathedral. Hauling one thousand three hundred oak trees to create the rafters took an enormous effort and to imagine what it took to simply move one oak tree in the year 1163. The journey of creating, the struggles to build, the families that sacrificed to erect the cathedral are as monumental as the scale of the flying buttresses. The awe and wonder that was built to show the human spirit, imagination, beauty and the community of faith are what continues to draw us to the iconic structure over and over.

Notre Dame was not only a community in its creation but once finished it was the center of Paris; a place of worship, faith, a place to celebrate births, weddings and deaths. Hundreds of thousands of families had the most important moments of their lives within those walls for over eight hundred years. People coming together to support one another in times of joy and sadness. It is what we do as humans and sometimes it is something we forget about in our daily lives as we look at screens, smartphones and not the people sitting next to us.

The fire this week is a reminder that in loss we come together to support one another, to share memories, to console each other and to look ahead at how we can rebuild in the face of adversity. How do we unite to re-create beauty, to dream, to build, to worship, to love, to celebrate and to live?

Notre Dame is symbolic of our lives and a precious reminder of the power and importance of coming together in good times and in bad.

Charity Matters

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Charity Matters Inspiration April 3, 2019

Be Our Guest: A legacy of generosity

“Love one another, for that, is the whole law; so our fellow men deserve to be loved and encouraged-never to be abandoned to wander alone in poverty and darkness. The practice of charity will bind us-will bind all men in one great brotherhood.”

Conrad N. Hilton

Every week I try to share different stories of people who impact change through their life’s work and the organizations they build to serve others. Most of the time these people are alive to share their journey first hand. However, the other day I had the privilege of spending the day at the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation and I came away from the day being inspired and in awe of one hotel magnet ‘s lasting legacy of compassion.

For any of you who have ever stayed at a Hilton Hotel, you know the name, but did you know the man behind it? I didn’t and was beyond inspired by not only what Conrad Hilton accomplished in his life and even more what he is accomplishing posthumously.

His story began on Christmas Day in 1887, born to humble beginnings with a German-American mother and Norwegian immigrant father in territorial New Mexico. His life was rooted in the beliefs of hard work, dreaming big, God and country. He served in New Mexico’s first state legislature before enlisting in World War I and followed his mother’s advice to “find his own frontier.” He set out to Texas hearing of the oil boom in 1919 and thought he would try to buy a bank but bought a hotel instead.

Thirty years after buying his first hotel and many thereafter he acquired the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. A man who was known for his honesty, optimism, fairness and his belief that “man with God’s help and personal dedication is capable of anything he can dream.” He was the first to franchise hotels, developed the airport hotel and developed the first hotel chain. As his empire expanded across the country and eventually the globe he was determined to use his belief in the power of travel fostering an understanding among peoples of the world.

Conrad Hilton lived an amazing life and had a genuine and deep passion for serving those in need. He left almost his entire estate to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation upon his death in 1979 with a goal to alleviate human suffering throughout the world and created a global legacy of humanitarianism.

The other day as I sat in this fantastic discussion at the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation learning more about how his estate is impacting education, homelessness, foster care, HIV AIDS, and access to clean water just to name a few of the Hilton’s initiatives. The foundation has given ten million dollars a year to the homeless alone. I witnessed one such moment of his legacy as a local Los Angeles girl, who grew up homeless, received the gift of education. It was a moment of true grace.

I left the day in awe of the impact one life can make on so many and that Hilton’s life continues to make. The foundation’s work is guided by the clear intentions expressed in Conrad’s last will and testament. Since his death, the foundation has distributed 1.6 billion dollars in grants around the globe to fulfill the words on Conrad Hilton’s tombstone, which said, “Charity is a supreme virtue and the great channel through which mercy of God is passed on to mankind. It is the virtue that unites men and inspires their noblest efforts. Christmas is forever.”

Charity Matters

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Charity Matters Inspiration March 13, 2019

The Giving Tree

Over the years I’ve written a number of posts about helping the helpers, caring for the caregivers and self-care. The magical thing about all of these nonprofit founders is that their passion and purpose rules their lives. No matter how many people they help, there are always more who need them. These selfless heroes start an organization out of their core belief that their work and effort will ensure that the next human will not go through whatever tragic event they went through, cancer, rape, sex trafficking….and the list goes on. And they are right, their work does change the world but the other side of my amazing heroes is their selflessness often comes to the point of burnout. They give and give and give until there is nothing left.

My nonprofit founders remind me of one of my favorite childhood books, The Giving Tree. The tree gives shade to the child, it gives limbs to climb, it gives its fruit to sell, it gives itself for wood to build a home and ultimately it has nothing left to give. This is often the reality of the nonprofit founder, they give until they are empty. The needs of humanity are endless and can truly never be met and yet, they keep on giving and giving.

I understand this because I suffer from the same disease. I am not Mother Teresa nor as saintly as those I love to interview but I confess that I am hardwired for burnout. Like an energizer bunny, I go full throttle into projects, meetings, running a nonprofit, writing these posts and trying to connect people to causes. I love my work, am passionate about making a difference with my life and am full of gratitude. The downside to these gifts is the burnout. The tank that is suddenly on empty and is so low on gas you are pretty sure that even if you can find a gas station, you will run out of gas long before that tank can possibly be refueled again.

So how do we help the helpers? How do we care for the caregivers or even more importantly care for ourselves more, regardless of our careers? I think the challenge is that the answer is exactly that, to care for ourselves, to slow down, to walk to win the race and not run. Even typing those words feels like its opposite day. How can we get everything done if we move slowly, thoughtfully and walk through life?

The reality of this is finally sinking in for me and I am not alone. According to a recent article in Thrive Global, author Stephanie Fairyington states that “two-thirds of Americans are suffering from burnout.” The pace of life can often times feel unsustainable. The race ahead appears too big and too long to run. As I look ahead to the future and all that I hope to accomplish, I see that the only hope to keep giving is to start here first. To slowly fill up the tank and not feel guilty while doing so. To set realistic goals and expectations about what can actually be accomplished in a day, a week, a month. The mindset and commitment to that alone is the first step.

Next, the action plan towards self-care. First, sleep and turning off the devices, with clear time limits set. Second, fuel type, some people put 87 octanes in their cars and some like to put 91 and I usually fall in the middle at 89, my diet is exactly the same. I put some great fuel in my body and some not so great fuel, this needs to change. I need to upgrade on the fuel choices more regularly. After those basic maintenance steps, it is carving out time for myself. Giving myself the gifts that fuel me whether a run, coffee with a friend, writing, and the list goes on.

While it feels backward being selfish will only fuel my ability to be selfless. The more I can care for myself, the more energy I will have to care for others and the causes I am passionate about. So as we are entering a time of spring and renewal, I am committing to myself (you are my witnesses) that this Giving Tree will keep her limbs, branches, and fruit so that she can continue to give year after year.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration May 10, 2018

Reflections on Motherhood

“Having kids…the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings-is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”

Maria Shriver

Lately, I have been thinking about being a mother. Motherhood isn’t something you typically think about, it is a verb, an action and rarely a mere thought. The reflection began last week, when I saw a young mother in the grocery store trying to contain her toddler. I smiled and told her to enjoy this moment because it goes by so fast. She looked at me as if I was insane and her expression said that this moment was already way too long and she hoped it would go by quicker. I clearly remember being that young mother with three toddler boys in the grocery store. Older women,(and I mean that in the nicest possible way) would share these same words of wisdom with me and my reaction at the time was probably pretty similar. Last week, I realized with horror, that I was now that older woman.

I am really not sure where that time went or how it slipped by so quickly, especially when those days felt like eternity. The days when the boys drank food coloring and stained their faces, fingers and everything else in sight. The day we were painting the nursery for their new baby brother’s arrival when they knocked over a can of paint, ran through the spilled paint and all over the house leaving baby blue foot prints on the carpets, wood floors and most surfaces. The upstairs sink they turned on without my knowledge that ran for hours, flooding the upstairs and my husbands treasured old convertible in the garage below. The memories of dirt, destruction and chaos are vast and yet, each crazy moment is now a treasured gift.

The goal in those days was mere survival. If you were showered and nothing was hugely destroyed, the day was a victory. Little by little those toddlers, ran faster and farther. They started using bikes, skate boards and pushed every boundary mental and physical that they possibly could. Those beautiful little faces could destroy you and wear you down, motherhood was an endurance sport where only the strong survive.

Like a triathlon, you begin the race of motherhood full of energy and excitement for the journey ahead. The swim is the first part of the course, as you dive in you realize the water is colder than you thought but you are just beginning, so you visualize your finish line. You focus on that moment on the podium and your shiny metal at the end of the race with these amazing humans you have molded, supported, guided and loved. Quickly, very quickly into the race you realize you are sinking…fast and that the race is going to be longer and harder than expected.

Not to worry, if you can survive the swim, then you are ready for the ride. Once on the bike, those twists and turns on the road of motherhood where school, hurt feelings, sporting activities, homework and planning your daily course is harder than planning a military strategic operation. The ride seems as if it has to be better than the swim and yet the challenges are never ending. They just keep coming.

Still, you hold onto your vision, you dream of the finish line. A polite, kind, educated human, with a diploma and perhaps a job. You finish your ride and begin the run. You are now slower, much slower and yet you are determined to finish the race. You will get that prize and so you push through those last hurdles, roadblocks and obstacles. They are big ones, high school, getting into college and everything teenager that will test your mental strength like never before. You are a survivor. You are strong, you are a mother and you are so close to finishing. Then you see it, the finish line and the tears begin because you now realize you no longer want the race to end.

You see those beautiful children, kind, polite, and good and realize that it was the race, the journey and the challenges that were the joy. Each obstacle overcome is a victory and each failure a lesson in love, patience and endurance. You survived the frigid deep waters of babies and toddlers, the twist and turns along the ride to adolescence and the run through the teenage years and college. The tears stream down your face as you cross the line exuberant, proud, strong and tired. Your vision is real, your prize is waiting with open arms….those beautiful, kind, polite and amazing humans are there just as you imagined and dreamed. You are a mother and your race is almost over and now you just wish you could run part of it again.

Happy Mother’s Day!

charity matters.

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Raising Philanthropic Children May 3, 2018

A love letter

All have you have been on this crazy journey called life with me. Many days the journey involves nonprofits, the incredible people I am privileged to meet, to serve and whose stories I tell. Other days the journey has been personal, I have shared my joy, my sorrow, loss, love and everything in between here on this platform, so it seems only fitting that this large milestone is shared with you as well. Our oldest son is graduating from college this weekend and I am just trying to process it all.

Almost seven years ago when I started Charity Matters, our sons were 16, 14 and 10 and I did everything not to mention them, embarrass them or shine any light in their direction from the blog. Today, however, our oldest has no choice because this love letter is for him.

My dear H-,

Twenty-three years ago you entered this world and made us parents. You taught us what love really means and how to live without sleep. Every new parent writes a secret script for their child. They hold their newborn and envision their first step, teaching to ride them a bike, baseball games, proms, high school graduations, college, first love, first heart breaks and everything in between. We don’t tell anyone our secret parental script but we all have it, the way we think you are supposed to be and who we dream of you becoming.

You taught us to throw away the script early on. You refused to be defined by our expectations or anyone else’s. You arrived on this planet knowing who you were and spent the last twenty-three years informing us. You didn’t want to play with firetrucks but rather vacuums and irons. You didn’t want to play baseball but study how old cars can run on recycled kitchen grease as fuel. You did play sports but only on your terms and more than anything you loved cars, photography, beautiful things, and spending over a thousand hours volunteering to serve the neediest children in South Central Los Angeles. You showed us just how huge your heart is and that you could write a way better script than we ever could.

So this weekend as you graduate from college, you need to know that we have never been more proud to be your parents. You are the most remarkable, honest, real, loving human being and more than that, the world is a better place because you are in it. I know you will continue to surprise us with the script you write and I can hardly wait to read the next chapter. Just know that our hearts are overflowing with love and pride, not because of what you have accomplished in your short life but because of who you are.

Now go into the world and do well but more importantly, do good. We love you!

charity matters.

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What Matters? April 26, 2018

Let love be the last word

L-O-V-E. Four simple letters that change everything. Love, a word that should always be the first thing said and the last. Anyone who has ever lost someone suddenly knows this. Love and saying, “I love you,“are words to live by. You hear it, you may think it, but do you actually say it? Life is so short and changes in the blink of an eye and last week we blinked and it changed.

First, was a call that a friend had died unexpectedly. We had seen him two weeks before, told him what he meant to us but had no idea it would be our last hug and in a blink he was gone. Two days later, another 49 year old friend shared that he has 3 months to live and is dying from cancer. The reaction was swift and immediate, hugs, tears and I love yous. The words didn’t take the pain away and the blows felt like a one two punch, almost too much to process within such a short period of time. The reality of how fragile our lives truly are came crashing down in a way that just makes everything else seem trivial and irrelevant.

As I watched the evening news that night, still trying to process our loss and find something better to focus on, I saw that a Southwest Jet lost an engine. What struck me wasn’t the pending panic or fear but rather all passengers scrambling to connect with loved ones to make sure they said I love you one last time. Had they started their day with it? Did they say I love you before they got on that flight? Did everyone they care about know how they felt? My sense was no because each of them appeared to try and say it, just one last time.

Fifteen years ago, when I discovered that my mom had died tragically and unexpectedly, one of my first thoughts was,”Did I remember to tell her I loved her before she left for her trip? Was I love you my last word?” I replayed the tape of our last time together over and over until my godmother confirmed that, yes, I had said it. I had a witness and somehow, the pain subsided.

Since that moment, our family doesn’t end a call or leave the house, no matter the rush…without saying , I love you. Angry, late, grumpy we say it. It is a gift and one that I have only recently realized, in light of last week. Life is precious. It is short. We have so little time and yet somehow, we miss the important stuff. If I died tomorrow, everyone in my life knows that I love them because love is always the last word.

L-O-V-E. Four simple letters that change everything.

charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration March 23, 2018

Prescription: Downtime

“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves;otherwise we harden.”

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

I have to say that March has been an incredibly crazy month. Life has been so full, so fast, so fun and so much…it’s been a bit like Christmas you can’t really even process what has happened because it is all overwhelming. It started with a huge event and continued with an unexpected ski trip and has truly been an incredible two weeks filled with family, friends, celebrations and fun.

Last weekend we were supposed to be out-of-town but my husband’s cold had us reschedule our plans. The result was an unexpected quiet weekend with everyone thinking we were gone. A gift from the universe for sure. It rained in LA, so it was fires and movies. Saturday was sleeping in and taking a long nap in the middle of the day, who does that? Sunday, came with kids in the house, walks with friends and a family dinner. Basically, all of lives pleasures.

What I always find so fascinating, is that I don’t see any of these gifts until I stop. Stand still. Pause. Listen. Reflect. Of course all of these gifts are all around me, but do I see them when I am zipping through my to do list? Do I notice the joy of being not scheduled? Do I see, really see the smile on my son’s face? Do I notice the beauty all around me on my walk? Do I appreciate life’s blessings? Do I stop to feel gratitude?

The answer is no. It is only when I stop, give myself downtime that I can hear myself, my inner voice speaking. Then in those magical moments I can feel the joy that comes from feeling grateful. I can see clearly what is important and where to redirect my time and attention. It is the quiet of downtime and the gift of rest that resets, refocuses and shifts our attention to what matters and where we are heading next.

The next two weeks are going to be crazy at work. I am grateful for this respite, refueled and ready to roll up my sleeves and make things happen for those I am privileged to serve. Life is short but we all need to take a moment to simply pause and appreciate all our gifts, especially the gift of downtime. Hoping this weekend brings you yours!

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Technology that Matters November 1, 2017

A message from grey skies

On an overcast day, I found myself in the most unusual predicament; I was isolated, distraught and home in bed sick. Under the gun at work with year-end wrap-ups due, budget deadlines circling, grants looming ahead and a heap of pressure mounting. More than a cold and the daily life of a nonprofit Executive Director was the fact that I was home sick, and that I was home without the Internet.

The shocking reality began on a conference call from the bed that kept going out. Since we live in a canyon, cell service is almost non-existent without the beloved Internet. The landline is also Internet-dependent, as clearly, my life has become as well. By 9:30 am it became abundantly clear, as panic set in, that I was completely unable to communicate with the outside world. No phone, no computer, no work….nothing.

Deadlines looming, stress and fever building simultaneously, I thought I might actually combust. My mind spinning with an escape plan, should I go out like this in search of wi-fi or was I delirious from fever? By lunch, I was near hysterical when my husband came home worried since he couldn’t get a hold of me. He also confirmed my worst fear, we were cut off, there would be no Internet until the dreaded cable company was contacted and an appointment made. My reaction to this news was a full meltdown of tears. Tears of feeling crappy, tears of frustration and tears because I simply didn’t know what else I could possibly do, except cry?

After, my husband left in search of a saner environment and one with wi-fi, I’m sure. I stared blankly at the white walls of my bedroom and collapsed from exhaustion. A few hours later I awoke with the realization that all of this was a gift. The universe’s way of telling me to rest, to slow down and to simply be….my worst skill by far.

I took a deep breath, leaned back and grabbed a book. Who gets to read in the middle of a grey overcast day from bed? I was just beginning to realize how blessed I was to be away from it all….off the grid, unplugged…whatever it is everyone calls it….when it happened. The buzzing began, the phone went insane with 39 text messages coming in rapid-fire, every device pinging me at once and I realized once again to appreciate what you have when you have it.

The sun broke through the clouds, my fever broke and one by one I dove back into my connected, wired and overly plugged-in life.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration October 2, 2017

Finding the path by reading the signs

“When the path reveals itself follow it.”

Cheryl Strayed

Have you ever felt lost? Not because you don’t have navigation or you lost your phone…I mean the type of lost where you are really not sure where you are heading in life? The big kind of lost. Perhaps a heavy question for the first Monday in October, but one on my mind. Maybe the beginning of a new month and season has me pondering larger directional questions….

Like everyone, I have my daily routine and path that my phone has now memorized. Each morning I get into my car and the phone announces how many minutes to get to the gym. Is my life really that predictable? Obviously, it is. I find myself wanting to drive the other direction, just to confuse the phone and to break from routine in search of a new destination. Yet, the problem with being lost is that the path is unclear. Would I recognize it if it revealed itself?

A few weeks back while driving on the 110 freeway, I asked God for a sign, a direction, anything to give me some navigation and this is what I received….

Seriously? I grabbed the same phone that I cursed earlier, to snap the picture of the license plate in front of me that read TRST GOD. Wow! I have never asked for a sign and received such a quick reply. But before I even reached the second tunnel there was another sign…….literally.

Above the tunnel were the words PERSIST. Trust God and persist. I snapped away trying to process the fact that I was driving with navigation on, yet feeling completely lost. More than that, I was trying to comprehend the fact that I had just asked for a sign and been sent two!

Just when you think you are lost, the path slowly begins to reveal itself. Do I now know where I am heading? No, but somehow I have a profound peace knowing that I am going to persist in finding my way. This fall when the path continues to reveal itself, I will follow it wherever it may lead.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes February 11, 2013

What matters?

“In every community there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart there is the power to do it.”

Marianne Williamson

You have the power.

Charity Matters.

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