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Charity Matters Inspiration April 20, 2015

The Moral Bucket List

Yesterday, I was asked to speak to the high school volunteers and their parents at our annual Staff Recognition Day. I sadly had procrastinated on what to say and I found myself on Facebook…where I believe most of us procrastinators eventually end up. Before I knew it I found myself reading an article from the New York Times called The Moral Bucket List.

Upon reading it, I knew exactly what to share with our group of extraordinary volunteers and I thought it was worth sharing with you. The article talked about “resume virtues versus eulogy virtues.” It was written by David Brooks, who was more or less in search of enlightenment after finding career success, he began to ask what really mattered? He wondered why do some rare people emanate that light, joy, radiance and others do not.

Brooks goes onto say, “ Our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success rather than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character”.

The more I read the article, the clearer it became to me that everything he was searching for was in fact exactly the skills that our non-profit teaches to its 5th, 6th and 7th grade students. More than that it was what we ask our high school staff to pass onto their younger mentors.

The author posed three questions:

“What values bring happiness and character?”
“Have you developed deep connections that hold you up in times of challenge and push you toward the good?”
Lastly the author asks, “People on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the world’s deep needs?

I know these seem to be deep questions to ask to teenagers. Yet, as I spoke to them about finding their gifts and sharing them with the world, I looked at an audience of nodding heads. They already understood what “radiating light and joy” was that author was so desperately in search of ……because each of them was already aglow.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? April 17, 2015

Time to go

As you know change has been a common thread in my life lately. Our oldest is unsure of his next step, our middle son deciding where he will attend college and our youngest getting ready to go to high school. As if that change isn’t enough, we have decided to move.

This decision has not come lightly or quickly but one that our family has pondered for sometime. Knowing that with an emptier nest we don’t need as much space as we once did, that our home is where our family is and some innate sense that it is simply time. Do we have a new nest? No. Do we know where we are headed? Not really. Is that scary? Yes.

The reality is that all change is scary because it is all about the unknown. What we know is safe and secure and what we don’t is terrifying. There is also something exhilarating about change that makes you feel alive, excited and looking ahead. What I do know for sure is that it feels like the right time, that while we have only moved twice, both times it was simply a feeling that inspired the move, and in hindsight those gut instincts were right for us.

So, as I ponder the unknown and where we might land, I through it out to the universe, God and all that is bigger than myself….knowing that change is growth and home is wherever my family is.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? April 13, 2015

Alone

I am alone. I suppose we all are at sometimes in our life…the problem is that I cannot remember the last time, I was. Sure there have been moments in the car or shower but is that really being alone? For the next 24 hours my family is scattered for Spring break and I am holding down the fort solo.

A million thoughts run through my head…do I jump on the bed? Blast girlie music? After all, I do live in an all boy house….should I eat candy for dinner? Journal? Garden? Shop online? Read a book? Watch a sappy chick -flick? The options are endless….my mind is racing with possibilities….unsure of where to start with this magical gift of time.

Since my New Year’s resolution (remember those?) was to do things that bring me joy. I refer to my list (how pathetic is that?) and so I begin. Taking a yoga class, gardening, walking the dog in the park, reading and when the evening comes I realize I simply want to be. Quiet (shocker), alone with my thoughts and time to think about all the change happening around me as my nest continues to empty out.

I realize that this time is a gift, fleeting and to be savored because in hours, they will all barge in with tales of their journeys, dirty laundry, hunger and the noise will once again fill my home and alone I will no longer be.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration April 6, 2015

Blind Sided

A few years ago when the movie The Blind Side came out, I was told by a number of friends that I reminded them of Sandra Bullock’s character in the movie. At the time I thought it was perhaps because I had overly highlighted my hair, was raising a football player and had once done interior design. While I love Sandra Bullock, that was not who I was being compared to, but rather to Leigh Anne Tuohy, the character she played. I wasn’t sure exactly how to take this comment.

Months later, while speaking with my step sister, who was then promoting The Blind Side, she told me she had just met the Tuohy family from the film. Unaware of the previous comparisons, she said the same thing, however, this time about the actual person, Leigh Anne. She explained that Leigh Anne Tuohy wanted to bring orphans to the Academy Awards to highlight the need for adoption of abandoned children. Needless to say, that didn’t happen….but I secretly loved the idea.

A few years passed and I forgot all about the comparison. Then, last weekend, my oldest son came home for Easter, and brought me a present. He said, he had heard Mr. Tuohy speak at his school, promoting their new book, In a Heartbeat, Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving. My oldest said, as he heard Sean Tuohy describe his wife, it reminded him of me, so he waited in line and brought me this.

I was flattered beyond words and for once was completely blind sided.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? March 30, 2015

Life anchor

Twenty years ago today I became a mother. In the blink of an eye my entire life changed. My heart grew beyond its capacity, I never knew what tired was, until that moment and somehow my re-birth began with his. They handed me this perfect little bundle and my life was forever connected to another.

That indescribable connection that threads one human being to the next. The cord is cut and yet somehow in that moment, you become another’s life anchor. The first decade blows by in a flash, as your little boat tugs and pulls but never strays too far from safe harbor. Happy to be safely moored and tethered to its anchor.

The second decade comes and the waters begin to get rough and choppy, as the storms blow in and out of adolescence. As many dark and stormy days as there are, the smooth water is just now on the horizon. Little by little you realize that it is time to untie from the mooring and watch your boat sail away. You know there are rough waters out there ahead. You see the storms before they do and yet, always, you are there as their anchor and safe harbor, no matter how far away they sail.

The moments pass from days to years to decades and yet, the anchor remains. Always there, solid, strong, waiting for the safe return of its boat to the safe harbor of home.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? March 11, 2015

Broken record

Forgive me if I sound a little bit like a broken record these past few weeks but when signs continue to re-occur, I feel compelled to address them. Each week I write about giving…giving of time, talent or treasure, as they say….but over and over I keep hearing that many of us are empty….and like the giving tree there is simply nothing left to give.

You are not alone. This past fall I had some health issues….the final diagnosis was stress, overload, exhaustion. I had given beyond what I had to give…to my job, the many causes I support, board commitments, Charity Matters and of course our daily commitments to family, friends and the list goes on….mine, I’m sure, is no different from yours.

Did this trigger a radical shift? Sadly, no…radical isn’t in my DNA, but it did cause a slow transition. Have I slowed down? Not really, but what I am doing is recognizing the danger signs and giving myself permission to take a day off, permission to do things that make me happy, fill me with joy and fill my soul.

Of course I want to do it all, give to all , I have to give to myself, in order to give to all of those I so deeply want to help. Tomorrow, I will practice my husbands favorite slogan, “Charity starts at home.”

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? February 25, 2015

Writing your way to happiness?

Last week I wrote about the “mid-life thing” and then days later a reader sent me a New York Times article entitled Writing Your Way to Happiness. The basic jest of it was that recent scientific studies say that writing can make you happier, lower your chance of sickness and have overall improvements on health and well-being.

We all “write” all day long, thousands of emails, texts, even Facebook posts but that type of writing is like showing people your living room. My mom used to say the living room is the room you want people to think you are, rather than your bathroom, which is who you really are. In other words, that kind of writing is for an outward perception, the writing the article is referring to is from an inward perspective.

What are you really thinking? Feeling? Doing? As someone who writes, alot…I think this falls in line with the mid-life posts, the last week. Writing is simply a gift you give to yourself, it is a time to fill yourself up, when you write from your heart and hear your own voice anything becomes possible.

While they say, don’t believe everything you read….this post is proof that once you begin to really listen to yourself through writing….. you can write your way to happiness.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? February 18, 2015

Is it a mid-life thing or something more?

In the last few months I have had coffee with a number of friends, and friends of friends that are in search of something “more”. When the first few friends called, I was flattered that they thought I could help give them some career direction. Then I realized that many of these friends thought that the non-profit sector was for them and that was why they were reaching out. Being a connector, I love trying to help. However, when the phone kept ringing and none of these people knew the others…I began to wonder why?

Most of the people I have met with are my age, yes…I suppose that you could call it “mid-life,” but none of them are in crisis, nor do they drive red sports cars. All of them have had successful lives, families, careers and are accomplished in many ways…and yet, every single person I have met with feels that somehow they are not living their purpose or their potential. It seems that the more meetings I had, the more similar they all became.

Do we all start down life’s path in search of ways to support ourselves and our families and then once we are on that road, we realize that somehow we need to get off? Yet, how do we continue to provide for those we love and feed our souls? The reality is that I am not the one with answers, but simply more questions.

I do believe that service to others feeds the soul and my advice to all (whether good or bad remains to be seen) has been to find a fit to use your gifts to their greatest potential and to a place that fits you. There is room in life to give your free time and have a job, sometimes they are not one in the same.

One of the most important things we teach our middle school students, at my day job is to,” Find your magis (latin for more) and find a way to give back the gifts that have been given to you.” My sense is if we can all find our “more” and a way to give it back, then I will be having a lot less coffee.

Charity Matters.

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Education February 4, 2015

Alchemy

Last week I spent two days at a conference for non-profits, called Alchemy. I sat in a room with 70 non-profits from all over Southern California and was fascinated by the diversity of the non-profit organizations. As we all introduced ourselves, I listened to the wide spectrum of services these organizations provided…everthing from promoting horseback riding in Pasadena, projects for the arts, makeover’s for homeless women to employing Veterans.

Some of the organizations were brand new and others had long histories but as I listened to each organization talk about their mission, they all had one thing in common that made them the same. That one thing was passion. Each person was dedicated and passionate about what it was that their organization did to make the world better.

Of course, not all of the causes spoke to me…or did I really understand. But who am I to judge? It was bringing people together who take their gifts (the fashionista who did makeovers on homeless women and the retired recruiter who finds jobs for Veterans) to make another’s life better. A room full of diversity and yet we were all the same….simply trying to share our gifts to make a difference.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? January 26, 2015

Wild

“I spent my life trying to be the woman my mother raised me to be.” Those were the words that haunted me from my weekend journey to the movies seeing Wild. A great movie about loss, self-discovery and grief….

A movie that spoke to me, not because of the self-destructive behavior or the hiking for that matter) but about finding out who you really are once you no longer have someone telling or showing you who to be. I have said it here before that my re-birth began with my mother’s death and this movie resonated that theme.

Why is it that we wait to be who we are supposed to become? Is it that our evolution really takes that long? So often our parents don’t live to see our success. My mom did live to see her grandsons and my joy in being a mother, but sadly died days before her only granddaughter arrived. At that juncture in my life, I wasn’t fully formed, the pieces hadn’t all come together….honestly some days I wonder if they ever will….but when the shifts occur and the pieces fall into or out-of-place in your life you know. You do.

I know that none of us really know what our parents expected us to be or dreamed we would accomplish but somehow I know over a dozen years later that I have become the woman my mother raised me to be. Still a work in progress but somehow…. I know she is proud.

Charity Matters.

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Education January 23, 2015

Making a Difference

After a long day at work yesterday, I arrived home only to be told by my second born son, that I needed to get back into the car and head to his Senior Service night. Did I mention that it was at 7pm in downtown Los Angeles? Needless to say, I was not happy at the thought and yes I know, service is what I love but back in the car I went…because I also love my son, but boy was I grumpy.

However, not for long. Quickly, my grumpiness faded as I listened to these 17-year old boys sharing their experiences about their various month-long service projects throughout Los Angeles. My sons class of 303 young men practice their school’s motto of being “Men for Others” by spending one month committed to service. Some of the stories shared were about living on Skid Row for the month, working with victims of domestic violence, being at Homeboy Industries with rehabilitating gang members and on and on they went.

What made my grumpiness fade was to see the shift in each of these incredible young men as they learned from doing….the power of serving others. While I was incredibly proud of my son, his month-long commitment to inner city children and their low-income school, I was beyond proud to be a tiny part of an organization that makes a huge difference in our world….and more importantly practices what they preach in raising Men For Others.

Charity Matters.

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Ways to make a difference January 16, 2015

Je suis Charlie

“Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.”

Voltaire

je suis charlie

I saw this cartoon and it made me cry. I can’t think of the last time pencil and ink brought me to tears. I am by no means a journalist but I am a messenger. We all are.

Je suis Charlie.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? January 14, 2015

Freedom

Simply there is a non-profit for every topic and every passion. As the world units this week around the events in Paris and freedom of expression, it seems only appropriate to share the story of a non-profit whose mission is to promote press freedom worldwide and to “cherish the value of information for a free society.” That non-profit is The Committee to Protect Journalists or CPJ.

Every day we turn on the news or go to our phones for information and we often forget our messengers, the journalists. In 1981, a group of U.S. correspondents united to found the non-profit, The Committee to Protect Journalists. They realized that they could no longer ignore the plight of colleagues whose reporting put them in peril on a daily basis. Their idea was put into action in 1982, when three British journalist were arrested in covering the Falklands War. CPJ, Chairman Walter Cronkite’s letter helped to free them.

Since that time that journalists around the world have come together to defend the rights of colleagues working in repressive and dangerous environments. Over eleven hundred journalist have been killed since 1992 for simply doing their job by valuing information for a free society.

This week added to the list of journalist killed are:

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Charity Matters Quotes January 12, 2015

Charity Matters Quotes: Unity

“Unity is strength…when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.”

Mattie Stephenek

Watching the world come together yesterday for democracy and freedom of speech was a historical moment. While this is not a place of politics, it is a place where I am free to voice the work of thousands of people who have come together in unity to make our world better.

Whether you are starting a non-profit, have the freedom to write about one or work together for a common goodness, unity is the glue that makes it all work.

Charity Matters.

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