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How did we get here?

For almost fifteen years, I have been sharing my journey here each week……through life, love, loss, family, faith, philanthropy, and everything in between. There isn’t much we haven’t covered in all of these years. But today, this is a first for me……and for us. A topic we’ve somehow never explored together: marriage and weddings.

This past weekend, our family celebrated one of life’s greatest blessings…..our son’s wedding. Even as I write those words, I can hardly believe they are real. The day felt like something out of a dream, filled with joy, tears, laughter, and a love so pure it radiated through every moment.

As my husband and I stood at the back of the aisle, arm in arm, ready to walk toward our son and his beautiful bride, I looked up at him and whispered, “How did we get here?” He smiled, squeezed my hand, and without missing a beat said, “I asked you on a date.”

And just like that, the tears came. Because he was right. That one question so many years ago set in motion a chain of love that led to this exact moment….our son waiting for his bride, a new family beginning, a new chapter unfolding.

When I began Charity Matters, my three boys were in elementary and middle school. I’m not even sure Google existed back then! During that time, you’ve watched our family grow up right here on these pages. You cried with me through the Last Lunch, The Last Pass and So Many Last.  Every milestone felt monumental, every transition bittersweet. And each time, we asked the same question: “How did we get here?” Followed quickly by, “Wow, that went so fast.”

It’s funny looking back now. Each stage of parenting felt like the summit…..the great challenge that would finally lead us to rest. We thought elementary school was hard until middle school came. Then we thought high school was the finish line….surely, graduation was the final hurdle! I remember turning to my husband that night, tears streaming down my face, and saying, “How did we get here? Weren’t they just born yesterday?”

And yet, as any parent knows, life has a way of humbling you. You realize that the “end” of one season is merely the beginning of another. You send them off to college, thinking your job is mostly done…..only to learn that parenting never really ends, it just changes shape.

In what feels like the blink of an eye, our boys were out of college, working, building lives of their own. We didn’t think much about what came next. We were simply grateful they were healthy, happy, and finding their way.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned over the years…..and it’s one of the hardest truths for parents to swallow: from the moment our children are born, we start writing a script for their lives. We don’t tell them this, of course, and most of the time, we don’t even say it out loud to ourselves. But it’s there….quietly playing in the background of our minds.

In my version of the script, my boys would grow up to be kind and successful, find good friends, rewarding work with purpose, and eventually, someone wonderful to love. My script had a timeline, too. You know the one….finish school, meet someone nice, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have children. Perfectly linear, perfectly planned.

And then, as life does, it laughed at my plan.

There were detours, heartbreaks, and lessons I never saw coming. There were moments when I silently protested, “This isn’t how the story is supposed to go!” But with time….and a lot of prayer…I realized that the story I was trying to write wasn’t mine to write. My children’s lives are their own stories, not chapters in mine.

It took me years to see it clearly, but once I did, it was freeing. My job was never to control the story, but to love them through it….to trust that the Author of all things had a far better script in mind than I ever could. And as I stood in the most beautiful setting this weekend, watching our son waiting for his bride, I could see how true that was.

Because their story….the one they are writing together….is more beautiful than anything I could have dreamed up.

The moment she walked down the aisle, time stopped. I looked at his face, his eyes brimming with tears, and saw not just my son, but the man he has become…kind, compassionate, faithful, and deeply in love. A man ready to build a life with someone who matches his heart. As he said his vows, tears flowed from his brother’s eyes and everyone else’s because their love was just so beautiful, real and palpable.

Our new daughter-in-law is everything I could have ever hoped for him…graceful, grounded, smart, strong and full of light. She fits into our family like she’s been part of it all along. As I watched them exchange vows, I thought about how, all those years ago, when we were the ones standing there saying “I do,” we had no idea what those words would come to mean.

Marriage is not just a day….it’s a daily choice. It’s the decision, every morning, to show up with love, humility, and grace. It’s choosing to grow together through the seasons, to forgive, to celebrate, to serve one another even when it’s hard. It’s the promise that your story is no longer “mine” or “yours,” but “ours.”

As parents, witnessing that moment is indescribable. It’s joy and nostalgia all mixed together….the ache of letting go and the awe of seeing something new begin. I thought about all the nights I tucked him into bed, all the prayers whispered for his future, and how many of those prayers were answered in that moment.

Later that night, as we danced beneath the Tahoe stars, I looked around the room at the sea of faces…family, friends, people who had loved him since he was little….and it hit me again: How did we get here?

How did we get from those early mornings of tying tiny shoes to tying a bow tie? From bedtime stories to wedding toasts? From Legos to love stories? The years have moved like the pages of a book….some chapters long, some heartbreakingly short, all filled with meaning.

When the band played the final song, I held my husband’s hand and whispered those same words we’ve said so many times before: “How did we get here?” But this time, there was no disbelief in my voice….just gratitude. Because the answer was clear.

We got here through love.

Through every sleepless night, every prayer, every football game and scraped knee, every graduation, every heartbreak, every dinner at the kitchen table, every “I love you.”

We got here through grace….through the quiet, unseen moments when we trusted that even when we couldn’t see the plan, there was one.

And we got here through joy…..the kind that sneaks up on you in the middle of a crowded dance floor when you realize that life, in all its messiness and beauty, has led you exactly where you are meant to be.

As the weekend came to a close and we said our goodbyes, I felt a deep sense of peace. Not the kind that comes from everything being perfect, but the kind that comes from knowing that everything is right.

Parenting, I’ve learned, is a lifelong act of surrender. It’s learning to let go over and over again….of control, of expectations, of the idea that we know best. And in that letting go, we make room for something even more beautiful: watching our children step fully into their own lives, their own love, their own purpose.

So yes, once again, I find myself asking, “How did we get here?” But this time, I know the answer.

We got here because of love…..the love that began with a simple date so many years ago, the love that built our family, and the love that now continues through the next generation.

We got here by walking each step….sometimes with confidence, sometimes with tears…..but always with love.

And now, it’s their turn. Their turn to walk hand in hand, to build a life together, to write their own story.

As for us, we’ll be right here on the sidelines….cheering, supporting, loving and every now and then, still whispering the same words that have followed us through every chapter of this journey:

How did we get here?

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

YOUR REFERRAL IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT,  IF YOU ARE SO MOVED OR INSPIRED, WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO SHARE AND INSPIRE ANOTHER. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please connect with us:

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It was never about the car

It was never about the car.

When I was a five-year-old kindergartener, I remember so vividly standing outside my school waiting for my mom. That’s when I saw her. This beautiful woman who looked like Jackie Kennedy pulled up to pick up her first-grade daughter. She was radiant. Elegant. Joyful. There was something different about her compared to the other mothers I had seen. She had a light that seemed to radiate from within, the kind of presence that makes you stop and notice. The French call it a je ne sais quoi….that indescribable “it factor.”

I was only five years old, but I knew that I wanted to be like her when I grew up….full of joy, full of grace, and full of that light. Whatever she had, I wanted that.

At five, I didn’t know a thing about cars.  I knew most moms drove wood paneled station wagons and that this mom was different. She pulled up in something beautiful. It was a 1970 280 SE Mercedes convertible. The car was as elegant as she was, and together, they made quite the lasting impression.

I didn’t understand cars, but I did recognize beauty. And I understood dreams. Somehow,  I tucked that moment away. I told myself that one day, I would be like her. I would have little boys, I would pick them up at that same school my dad had gone to, and I would radiate that joy….in that car.

It was one dream, but it came with many layers: the children, the school, the joy, the light and the car. It was a package deal.

Dreams That Stick

As life unfolded, I married, and eventually, I had three little boys. And oh, how those boys loved cars, especially my oldest. Almost every night at dinner, without fail, he would ask me, “Mommy, if you could have any car in the whole wide world, what car would you have?”

And every night, I gave the same answer: the 280 SE. I would tell him the story of how, when I was his age, I saw that car and knew one day I would drive it. We would talk about dreams, about believing in them, and why they mattered.

One night, after hearing the story again, he looked at me with those wise little boy eyes and said, “Mommy, you already have the little boys. We go to that school. All you need now is the car.”

He was right.

But when you’re raising small children, another car…especially one like that…..just isn’t a priority. Truthfully, you never need a car like that. Cars like that are best for dreams.

The Surprise of a Lifetime

As my 40th birthday approached, unbeknownst to me, my husband began searching for the car.  When my birthday came and went, he sheepishly confessed what he had been up to but admitted he couldn’t find one that wasn’t rusted or wildly out of reach financially. I was touched by his effort but never expected such a thing anyway. The moment passed, and life with three little boys rolled on.

By September, our youngest had just started kindergarten. One afternoon, I was on the lawn playing with the boys when I heard the sound of a car coming up the street. My husband pulled up, and I froze. He was driving the car. A black 1970 280 SE convertible, with the blue and yellow original license plates that said, 4 R MA. It was the car I had dreamed of since I was five years old.

I was speechless. How could this be real?

The boys screamed with excitement. My oldest son jumped up and down, shouting, “Mommy! Mommy! Your dream came true!” I will never forget that moment. It wasn’t just about the car. It was about a dream…one I had held onto for 35 years…..that had finally come true.

Dreams don’t always work out like that. Often, life has other plans. But when one does, when you see something you’ve held in your heart since childhood finally come to life, it’s like an out-of-body experience. It affirms something deep inside you: that faith and belief matter. That dreams are worth holding onto.

Mrs. Fink

The very next morning, I piled the boys into the car for school. It was a gorgeous day. With the top down, we could see the ocean shining from the hills. The boys were laughing and I felt the wind on my face. Pulling into that same carpool line with my three little boys in the back of a 280 SE, I felt it. The puzzle piece snapped into place.

It was exactly as I had imagined when I was five.

When I picked the boys up that afternoon, my oldest asked, “Mommy, what are we going to name her?”

The car had a brass plate on the dashboard that read, This Mercedes Benz coach built exclusively for Norma Fink. Without hesitation, I said, “I think we should call her Mrs. Fink.”

And just like that, Mrs. Fink became the sixth member of our family.

From that day forward, “Fink Days” were born. On gorgeous, sunny afternoons, one of the boys would declare, “I think it’s a Fink Day!” and off we’d go. Mrs. Fink taught my boys that joy wasn’t just about big things or trips….it was about noticing and celebrating a beautiful day.

Lessons From an Old Convertible

Mrs. Fink was never perfect. She was well-loved and well-used. Her leather was worn, her engine purred like something out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and she was sticky more often than not from melted ice cream cones. But she was joy on four wheels.

When my husband told me he had ordered license plates BIG 4 0 because the real Mrs. Fink wanted her original license plates back. I decided to write Norma Fink a love letter and I sent it off  with the original license plates and a photo of the boys and me in the car. I told Norma about my childhood dream, how this car had found its way to us, and that I knew I was only her temporary custodian. I promised to love her and care for her until it was time to pass her on.

A week later, I received a letter from Norma. She told me she, too, had been given the car for her 40th birthday. She had filled it with her three daughters and made countless memories. She shared that she had since lost her vision and could no longer drive. But she had put my photo on her refrigerator and found joy in knowing her beloved car was still making children happy. She said she had peace knowing I was meant to be her car’s next custodian.

She was right.

For 20 years, Mrs. Fink was joy in motion. Trips to the beach with sandy feet, drives down the coast, silly carpool karaoke, and family adventures. Whenever life felt heavy, a spin in Mrs. Fink was the cure. She reminded us that life is meant to be lived with joy, with spontaneity, and with gratitude.

When Joy Becomes Memory

As the boys grew older, our drives became less frequent but more intentional. We’d plan lunches in Malibu or Sunday drives with the top down. She was always there, ready to turn an ordinary moment into something unforgettable.

Even during Covid, when the boys returned home from college and the world felt so uncertain, Mrs. Fink brought comfort. “Let’s take her for a drive,” they would say, and off we’d go, circling town with the wind in our hair, letting her magic lift our spirits.

But time has a way of changing things. Mrs. Fink grew more valuable, more delicate. Insurance made it difficult to take her out for ordinary errands. She began collecting dust in the garage. The dog and I were the only one driving her every now and again.

Then last week, my oldest son took Mrs. Fink out when her brakes failed. By some miracle, he guided her safely into a lot. Shaken but safe, strangers helped him out. He later posted a photo of Mrs. Fink on a tow truck with the caption: “Bad day for the Fink but a good day for humanity.” That was Mrs. Fink. Even broken down, she inspired kindness and perspective.

A car collector friend of my sons saw the post and asked about the car. My son told him that Mrs. Fink was his mom’s car and not for sale. The car collector continued to reach out asking about the car and made an offer. After much conversation, we accepted. The realization was the time had come. Just like our children, we are only temporary custodians. We cannot hold onto things or people forever, only our memories. It would be selfish for her to sit and collect dust and not be enjoyed. It was time to share her joy with someone else.

Saying Goodbye

Today, I said goodbye to Mrs. Fink.

As I signed the paperwork, I realized something remarkable: she had arrived on September 22nd, and she was leaving on September 22nd, two decades later. Life has a funny way of coming full circle.

I took her out for one last drive. The sun was shining and it was a gorgous first day of fall.  As the wind whipped through my hair, I whispered my gratitude to her.

Thank you for proving that dreams can come true.
Thank you for the joy, the laughter, and the memories.
Thank you for teaching my boys about spontaneity, gratitude, and joy.

Mrs. Fink was never just a car. She was a dream come true, a member of our family, a teacher of joy, and a symbol of belief. She showed us that life’s most beautiful gifts aren’t always about the thing itself, but about what it represents.

Because it was never about the car.

It was always about the dream.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

YOUR REFERRAL IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT,  IF YOU ARE SO MOVED OR INSPIRED, WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO SHARE AND INSPIRE ANOTHER. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please connect with us:

Copyright © 2025 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.

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Finding the Light

For almost 15 years every Sunday I have sat down to share a few thoughts. Most weeks the words flow from my fingers and I can’t seem to get my thoughts out quick enough. This week the thoughts are slow. The words are few and I’m still processing so much going on in our world as a larger context as well as in my own.

The irony is not lost on me that I wrote a best-selling book Change for Good and yet as I see so much change ahead of me I am scared, excited, nervous and unsure. As I wrote last year, “change always begins with loss.” There is so much loss happening all around me that I struggle to process it all. Those heavy feelings are like walking through mud as you try to make sense of everything. Each step heavy and unsteady because the path is not clear. It is too hard to see and so you trust as you slowly walk each deep and heavy step.

Somehow you believe. You have faith in something bigger. In the kindness of people, in the goodness we show to one another and so you move forward into an unknown place. That faith acts like a flashlight as you navigate a new and unexplored path forward. You have not been this way before. You do not know the way but you have your faith…your flashlight to guide you, to light the way and to bring you from darkness into the light.

When I wrote Change for Good, I never claimed to have all the answers. What I did know then, and what I still know now, is that life guarantees us seasons of change. Sometimes we choose them….like a new job, a marriage, or a move….and sometimes they choose us, whether through loss, illness, or unexpected events. Either way, change asks us to let go of what we know in order to step into what we don’t. That is never easy.

What makes it bearable is the reminder that none of us walks through it alone. In the book, I shared stories of people who took their own moments of heartbreak and used them as a catalyst to create something good. That theme has echoed back to me countless times from readers who wrote to say, “I thought I was the only one.” None of us is the only one. We all walk this muddy road of loss, grief, hope, and renewal. The flashlight we carry……faith, kindness, connection…..is what keeps us going until the ground feels steady again.

Lately, I have been reminding myself of one of the simplest truths I wrote about: kindness heals. When the world feels overwhelming, when the future feels uncertain, when I feel small in the face of so much loss, the antidote is often simple. It is in writing a note to a friend, holding a door open, saying thank you, showing up for someone else. Each small act is a reminder that even in the midst of chaos, we still have power……the power to love, to give, to create light.

That is what Change for Good has always been about. Not grand gestures, not sweeping reform, not changing the whole world at once. It is about the small, intentional acts of love and service that ripple outward in ways we may never see. It is about choosing, over and over again, to believe that our actions matter. That our light matters. That even when the road is muddy and uncertain, we can still place one foot in front of the other.

I know I am not the only one feeling the weight of change right now. Perhaps you are in your own season of transition. Maybe you too are carrying loss, fear, or uncertainty. If so, I want to remind you of what I often need to remind myself: you are not walking this road alone. We are walking it together, carrying our flashlights of faith and kindness, helping each other find the path.

The title Change for Good was always a double meaning. Change can be hard, yes, but it can also be for good….for the better. Good for our growth, good for our healing, good for the world. When we use the change in our lives to serve others, to lift them up, to bring light where there was darkness, we transform not just our own story but the larger story we are all part of.

So as I sit here with my slow words and heavy heart, I remind myself of the truth I wrote and believe: change is never easy, but it is always an invitation. An invitation to trust, to grow, to love, and ultimately to change for good.

And maybe, just maybe, that is enough light for today.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

YOUR REFERRAL IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT,  IF YOU ARE SO MOVED OR INSPIRED, WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO SHARE AND INSPIRE ANOTHER. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please connect with us:

Copyright © 2025 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.

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Episode 92: Shoulder Check

 

In the past fifteen years, I have not resent the same interview twice in one week. However, when I orginally scheduled this to be delivered last Thursday, September 11th I didn’t foresee all that would transpire the day before. The assassination of Charlie Kirk followed by the 24th anniversary of September 11th created so much noise that this very special story might have been missed. So, yes if you are seeing this twice it is intentional because I want you to have a bright light on your Sunday morning. Something to start your week to remind you of all the good in this world. So here you go….once again…

 In full disclosure, I know very little about hockey….especially as an LA girl…..but what I do know is that rare and extraordinary group of people who take unimaginable loss and somehow transform it into a mission for good. Today’s guest, Rob Thorsen, is one of those people. After the heartbreaking loss of his son Hayden, Rob chose to honor his memory by spreading kindness and compassion in the most powerful way.

Drawing from Hayden’s love of hockey, Rob used the term “Shoulder Check” not just as a sports reference but as the cornerstone for a movement. What began as a nod to the game has become a beautiful legacy of connection and care. Shoulder Check is about more than hockey…..it’s a mission and a movement about reaching out, checking in, and making contact with those around us. Rob’s story is one of resilience, love, and the reminder that even in the deepest grief, we can create something profoundly good. Take a listen and you will want to be a part of this…

 

 

Here are a few highlights from our conversation:

 

Charity Matters: Tell us a little about what ShoulderCheck.ORG does?

Rob Thorsen:  ShoulderCheck.org is the first initiative of the HT40 Foundation, which we created to do one simple, specific thing: inspire and enable young people to check in on one another…regularly. We give them the language, tools, and motivation to make “checking in” a daily habit. The culture we’re pushing against is that paradox the U.S. Surgeon General called out in April 2023: we’re hyper-connected by tech, yet lonelier and more isolated than ever. Shoulder Check is our answer.

It started in hockey, our son Hayden played, and the community rallied around us after his death but it quickly became bigger than a sport. The signature gesture is literal: hand on a shoulder, paired with the refrain, “Reach out. Check in. Make contact.” We do this in locker rooms, at center ice, in school assemblies, classrooms, and community events. The goal is behavior change through a simple ritual and a shared brand language…something memorable enough to spread, practical enough to use, and human enough to matter.

Charity Matters: What were your early experiences in PHILANTHROPY?

Rob Thorsen: I didn’t come up through a lifetime of traditional volunteerism; I came out of marketing and advertising. I ran ad agencies. My wife did, too. Ideas, brand-building, behavior change….that’s our professional DNA. After we lost Hayden, I didn’t set out to “become a nonprofit founder.” I set out to develop an idea that could help people the way Hayden helped people….by making contact.

In that sense, Shoulder Check “just happens” to be a nonprofit vehicle. It is, first and foremost, an idea carried by a brand and a toolkit. From day one we treated it like a serious creative brief. Our team (pro bono) built language, design, rituals, and programs the way we would any world-class brand……with clarity, consistency, and heart.

Charity Matters: What was the moment you knew you needed to act and start ShoulderCheck.org?

Rob Thorsen: When Hayden died by suicide in May 2022, our lives were instantly and permanently altered. The first feeling was compulsion: we have to do something. I reached out to a national mental-health nonprofit whose executive director told me, bluntly, “Leave interventions to the professionals.” It stung, but at the same time, it focused me. She was right: I’m not an interventionist. I am a professional in another realm.

A few months later I sketched a simple thought in a notebook: “I have a hand to give. I could use a hand.” That became our north star. We began gathering with 30–70 kids at a time, at home, at the community center and iterating together. We wanted this to be everyone’s idea, not mine. The first crystallized concept to emerge was Shoulder Check: make kindness a contact sport, give everyone a role in the dialogue, and make the ask actionable.

Charity Matters: What are your biggest challenges?

Rob Thorsen: Processing grief and launching a nonprofit at the same time…..there’s no handbook for that. You’re building a startup out of a garage emotionally and literally, while processing the heaviest thing you’ll ever carry. We’re not clinicians. We’re not event producers. Yet we’re running programs and putting on major events because that’s what the idea requires to spread.

Operationally, the work is exhausting….production, follow-up, stakeholder care, constant outreach. Conceptually, the challenge is staying disciplined: we’re not trying to “do everything mental health.” We’re doing one thing well which is equipping friends to check on friends. The saving grace is that the idea is a virtuous circle. The very act of placing a hand on a shoulder….giving or receiving….feeds the work that sustains us.

Charity Matters: What fuels you to keep doing this work?

Rob Thorsen: The stories. Constantly. We hear from people who finally knew how to start a hard conversation and did it……and from people who were struggling and felt their friends show up. Nearly everyone will accept help from a friend; Shoulder Check gives those friends simple language and a moment to step in.

And the ritual itself is its own therapy. When hundreds or thousands of people put hands on shoulders and say “Reach out. Check in. Make contact,” there’s a tangible lift in the room. You feel the possibility of a culture shift……one conversation at a time.

Charity Matters: When do you know you have made a difference?

Rob Thorsen: I know it in two ways. First, in the micro: when a young kid writes to say, “I went home and checked on someone because of Shoulder Check….and it mattered.” Or, “My friends came to me, and I didn’t feel alone.” That’s the point.

Second, in the macro moments. At our events, 2,500 people….families, players, kids….all link up and speak the refrain together. You watch the posture in the building change. You hear “Lean on Me” sung by an arena and feel the message land. Those moments are catalytic….but they exist to seed a million small, private ones later: on buses, in bleachers, down hallways, at kitchen tables.

Charity Matters: Tell us what success you have had and what your impact has been? 

Rob Thorsen: We launched the idea with the Shoulder Check Showcase in August 2023; this year we hosted our third annual showcase. It’s a community-run charity game anchored by NHL players who’ve believed in the mission from day one….people like Chris Kreider, Kevin Shattenkirk, Trevor Zegras, and many others who donate a week of their time to play, meet kids, sign, and amplify the message.

Each year, 2,500 people pack the arena. Before the puck drops, everyone places a hand on a neighbor’s shoulder and repeats our refrain. The response has been overwhelming…..an emotional jolt you can see and hear. This year, New York Rangers anthem singer John Brancy performed the National Anthem and led a “Lean on Me” sing-along. The NHL, the NHLPA, teams, and media have all helped carry the message; we’ve appeared on Good Morning America two years running. The Showcase fuels grassroots adoption…..teams, schools, and communities taking the toolkit and making it theirs. That’s the impact we care about most: replication and daily habit.

Charity Matters: If you could dream any dream for your organization, what would that be?

Rob Thorsen: I want Shoulder Check to become cultural shorthand for empathy…..like a color you instantly associate with a cause. Think Komen’s pink for women’s health or Movember’s mustache for men’s health. Our teal-aqua should say “kindness, connection, and awareness.” Not as a merch play, but as a signal that prompts action: check on someone right now.

I imagine late-August/September activations timed to back-to-school and fall sports….teams, classrooms, clubs, workplaces…….all making commitments to one another. I want the toolkit to be accessible and flexible: bake sales, 5Ks, pre-game rituals, morning meetings…..however a community wants to manifest it. We’re not raising dollars for a lab; we’re raising awareness for each other. If Shoulder Check becomes the universal cue for “I’m here…..let’s talk,” that’s the dream.

Charity Matters: What life lessons have you learned from this experience?

Rob Thorsen: I’ve learned presence over control. In the immediate aftermath, your mind tries to script the unanswerable: Why did this happen? What will my life be a year from now? You can’t solve those questions. What you can do is show up….in this hour, with these people, for this work. When you do that, you give yourself something better than certainty: integrity.

I talk a lot about reflection vs. regret. Reflection is learning from what happened while knowing you did the best you could in the moment. Regret is knowing you didn’t. The line between them is presence. If we keep showing up as honestly as we can, we can live with the outcomes, even the imperfect ones, because we’re learning forward.

And I’ve learned about duality. The loss doesn’t lessen, but growth helps you understand where that loss lives with you. New people come into your life, new work emerges, and you hold both pain and purpose at once. That duality has become the constant: grief and goodness side by side. There is peace in knowing something beautiful can grow from tragedy, even if the sorrow never leaves.

Charity Matters: How has this journey changed you?

Rob Thorsen: This experience has changed me completely. I sometimes think of myself in three chapters: original Rob 1.0, then Rob 2.0 after Hayden’s death, and now something new….a version who carries both. I wouldn’t say I live in the world in a totally different way, but I see differently. A part of me that was smaller before has been amplified. The idea itself feels like Hayden. Shoulder Check is Hayden. So I feel a duty of care, as if tending this work is tending him.

That sense of duality shapes me too. Pain and purpose live together now. When I watch a stadium of people place hands on shoulders and say our refrain, I think: How did this happen? It’s beautiful, and it’s born of heartbreak. Holding those together has become who I am.

And practically, I’ve changed in how I manage time, people, and vision. We’ve been naïve in believing that a good idea will just travel….and in many ways, that faith has worked. But we’re also at the point where we need to manage like a real business, with intention and sustainability. It’s a “big small business,” and its next stage requires maturity. That responsibility makes me a different leader and a different person.

Ultimately, the change is clarity. Less time for what doesn’t matter, more devotion to what does. More comfort in knowing that if I keep showing up honestly, this work and Hayden’s legacy will keep growing. And if my legacy is simply that people checked in on one another more often, that would be a life well-lived.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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What Matters?

September

While the calendar insists summer doesn’t officially end until September 22nd, we all know in our hearts that it’s already over. The long, light-filled days are shortening, the back-to-school commercials have returned, and change is everywhere you look. The air feels different. There’s a sense of closing one chapter and opening another. That’s what September is about transitions, beginnings, endings, and the beauty of change.

Change isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s downright hard. We cling to what’s familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. Letting go of summer feels like letting go of freedom, sunshine, and ease. Yet, what we so often forget is that there are no endings without beginnings. Every door that closes makes way for another to open, often to something we never could have imagined. September reminds us of this truth.

For some, that beginning comes in the form of a new school year. Lunchboxes are packed, backpacks are zipped, and nervous energy fills the air.  It’s the end of summer play and the beginning of structure, growth, and discovery. For others, change looks like a new job or a new opportunity a leap of faith into something unfamiliar yet filled with possibility.

And for my son, this fall marks a beginning of the most beautiful kind: marriage. Watching him prepare for this milestone fills me with both joy and awe. This is the end of his chapter as a single man and the beginning of a new adventure as a husband. For my husband and me, it means welcoming an amazing daughter into our family is a gift beyond measure. Change like this is bittersweet, but more than anything, it is joyous. It reminds us that life is meant to grow, evolve, and expand.

Charity Matters is also beginning a new season….Season 9 of our podcast. Nine seasons! That number alone makes me pause. Fourteen years ago, Charity Matters was nothing more than an idea, a simple thought that maybe sharing stories of good could make a difference. That idea grew into a blog, then a community on social media, and eventually, a podcast that has been ranked in the top 5% of charity podcasts. I smile just writing that because it is proof of what happens when you lean into change, when you say yes to new beginnings.

Each season of the podcast brings its own lessons, growth, and yes, change. We stretch, we improve, and we try to make each season better than the last. That stretching has led us to consider something new this fall: sponsorships. For years, I’ve said “no” to countless offers…..everything from yoga pants to dog toys…..because it didn’t align with our mission. But now, we are having conversations with organizations that share our values, partners who could help expand our reach while amplifying stories of service and kindness. The idea of building new partnerships excites me, not just for what it means for Charity Matters, but for the broader ripple effect of good it could create.

September is filled with reminders that life is about movement, not stillness. Change brings growth, growth brings new opportunities, and those opportunities bring joy. This fall, my joy is found in so many places: in the sound of college football filling the weekends, in the crispness of the morning air, in the sight of leaves beginning to turn, and in the celebrations of love and family that mark this season for us.

Of course, there’s a twinge of sadness too. I’ll miss the long days of summer, the ease of evenings outside, and the unhurried pace of the season. But if summer is about savoring, then fall is about celebrating. Celebrating growth, love, progress, and the courage it takes to embrace change.

As we step into September, my hope is that you see the changes in your life not as losses, but as invitations. Invitations to begin again, to stretch, to grow, and to trust that what lies ahead will be beautiful in its own way. Change is never the end….it’s simply the start of something new.

So let’s welcome the change together. Let’s embrace this season with gratitude, joy, and hope. Because while summer may be gone, what awaits us is even more extraordinary.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Non-Profit Heroes

Charity Matters Podcast Season 9 incoming…

Where did summer go? How are we already buying school supplies? What happened to June 1st until after Labor Day? When I find out who is in charge of shortening summer …well I have a few words for that guy. Here we are with Halloween decorations in the stores while filling our carts with crayons on hot “summer” days. It is all a little surreal how fast these past few weeks have flown by.

This time of year is a little bittersweet for me. Running a nonprofit thats programs end in early August makes summer a huge work push. Just as I am excited for summer and some play time, everyone I know is wrapping up travels and heading back to school and work.  August is my summer but it seems that I’m the only one.

In addition to wrapping up this past year’s nonprofit work we have been busy getting ready for Season 9 of the Charity Matters Podcast. It seems like yesterday that we decided to start the podcast and today,  4 years later we are in the top rated podcast in the space. It is so mind blowing to me. Honestly, this fact renews my faith in humanity because all of you believe in goodness and in helping one another. As this message grows so does all the love that goes with it.

Last season we met so many incredible founders. Stories like Terry Grahl’s Enchanted Makeovers, whose  life came full circle with her work helping women in shelters. Terry’s life inspires me to be more and do more.  Then we met so many awe inspiring parents who lost children and turned their pain into purpose. People like Elliot Kallen of A Brighter Day, who started a nonprofit that supports teenagers dealing with mental health challenges. There was Susan Shaw, founder of WBYC, an organization that provides grief support for grieving communities. Then there was the beautiful Mary Fagnano who created the nonprofit, Thrive N Joy to honor her son Nick’s beautiful legacy.

Each person shared their story, their loss and their life choice to go on through service to others. Every organization and their work is a reflection of their love….which endures in their work. These people and so many more not listed here inspire, lift and remind us what it means to love, to live and to serve.

Next week we will launch Season 9 with Episode 91 with the amazing Mindy Richenstein. I can’t wait for you to meet her and so many other wonderful humans this season. Each founder’s story is like opening a gift about life and how to live. There is nothing that brings me greater joy than sharing these gifts with you.

So thank you for being here for this wild ride, for believing in goodness and being a part of this movement. Each conversation, each share and every single tiny act of kindness moves us all forward together.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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What Matters?

Vacation all I ever wanted

“Vacation, all I ever wanted… vacation, had to get away…” That epic Go-Go’s anthem has been the soundtrack running through my head these past few weeks. Maybe it’s the heat of August. Maybe it’s the exhaustion catching up with me from our summer work wrapping up. Or maybe it’s just that deep-down yearning for something we all crave but often overlook: rest.

After all, this is the season when the world finally exhales. The emails slow, the calendars loosen, and for a brief window of time, we’re allowed to step back. It’s the one time of year when the word “away” feels not only possible…but necessary.

If you’re someone who gives a lot, whether that’s to your family, your community, your nonprofit, your classroom, your cause……there is a chance that you likely don’t hit pause very often. Helpers tend to put others’ needs ahead of their own, believing there’s always one more thing that can be done, one more person to care for, one more task that can’t wait. The world often celebrates this drive, calling it noble or selfless. And yes, it is but only to a point. Because when we give and give without refueling, eventually… we run out of gas.

I know this feeling well. That running-on-empty sensation, when even the simplest things feel heavy. And yet, pausing still feels like a luxury we can’t quite justify. “Who will do it if I don’t?” we ask. But here’s the truth that’s taken me years to learn: We are no good to others when we are running on fumes.

Self-care isn’t indulgent. It’s not optional. For people who live their lives in service of others, it’s essential. I say that not as a motivational quote on a coffee mug, but as someone who has experienced firsthand what happens when we ignore that inner voice crying out for rest. Our bodies whisper… then nudge… and if we still don’t listen, they shout.

Think about it…would you let your car go 10,000 miles without an oil change? Would you expect a phone to last a week on one charge? Of course not. But somehow, we expect our hearts and minds to keep giving without ever recharging. And worse, we feel guilty when we try.

I want to flip that narrative.

Imagine for a moment that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, but actually one of the most generous things you can do. Imagine that every walk you take, every nap you allow yourself, every chapter of a good book you read, or every afternoon you spend staring at the ocean, is a gift you are giving, not just to yourself, but to everyone you serve.

Because when we are rested, we are more present. We are more patient. We are more creative, more kind, more joyful. And isn’t that what the world really needs from us?

I’ve learned that vacation doesn’t always have to mean a plane ticket and a suitcase (though those are lovely). Sometimes it means carving out a morning to sit in silence. Sometimes it means saying “no” without guilt. Sometimes it’s a walk around the block, alone with your thoughts. Sometimes it’s stepping away from your inbox or turning off your phone for the afternoon. The point isn’t how long you get away…it’s that you get away. Even just for a little while.

We all have different ways of finding rest and renewal. For me, it’s water and simply being outside to play. Something about the water calms my soul. For others, it’s a mountain trail, a cozy blanket and a journal, or the hum of a favorite song in the background while the world slows down. The important thing is knowing what refuels you and honoring it.

If you’re someone who helps others, who shows up, gives back, volunteers, leads, or serves then please, let this be your permission slip: You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to turn down the noise and just be. You are allowed to have a moment…no, a whole season of care, not just for others, but for you.

Because when we care for ourselves, we’re not quitting. We’re strengthening our ability to keep going.

So yes, vacation is all I ever wanted. Not just the sandy toes and umbrella drinks (although those help too!) but the deeper kind of vacation. The kind where we find our center again, where we remember what matters most, and where we return to ourselves… so that we can return to others whole.

Here’s to rest. Here’s to renewal. And here’s to every helper who finally says, “I need a break” and actually takes one.

You deserve it!

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Podcast

A little Blue Sky is good for everyone

Are you an optimist? I definitely am and I love meeting positive people who look at the world through slightly rose colored glasses. So I was especially thrilled when Bill Burke the founder of the Optimism Institute reached out to invite me on his incredible podcast, A Bit of Blue Sky.

Bill  founded The Optimism Institute in 2022 after an extensive media career. He was the CEO of The Weather Channel Companies and President of TBS Superstation. Bill co-authored Ted Turner’s top-10 New York Times Best-Selling autobiography Call Me Ted and is a lifelong optimist. He launched The Optimism Institute with a mission to inspire people with an optimistic, hopeful vision of the world and its future. In short, Bill is my people.

 

 

It is always terrific to talk to interesting people. Bill is more than just interesting, he is joyful. What I love about what he is doing with his Blue Sky podcast is trying to get all of us to focus on the good. That is exactly what we do here each week at Charity Matters. Life is challenging enough for all of us. When we focus on the positive we feel better, it lifts us up and gives us hope that things are going to get better.

Bill not only has his podcast, which I highly recommend. He also has his Blue Sky Bookshelf where he recommends uplifting books from his guests and others. So take a look here if you are looking for a summer read that inspires and uplifts.

We all can take a page from Bill’s message on optimism.  When we choose to focus on optimism, everything shifts. It’s not about ignoring the challenges or pretending life is perfect. Rather, it’s about seeing the light in the cracks, the possibility in the struggle, and the good that can still come from even the hardest moments. Optimism gives us the strength to keep going, to believe in something better, and to inspire that same hope in others. When we lead with optimism, we open the door to connection, to resilience, and to the kind of change that lifts everyone. It’s a mindset that doesn’t just help us survive but thrive.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Inspiration

Camp is the cure

According to the Associated Press, more than 25 million children under the age of 18 attend camp each year. Of those, 17 million experience the joy of day camps, while 8.3 million head off to overnight adventures. These spaces offer so much more than just activities…..they’re places where kids can make new friends, shed old labels, and explore a little self-reinvention. All of that, wrapped in a whole lot of fun. When we think of summer, we think of camp.

But in light of the recent tragic events in Texas, many of us are looking at camp through a new lens this year. For weeks, we’ve been hearing the brave stories of Camp Mystic counselors who sacrificed so much to protect their young campers. And it wasn’t just Camp Mystic, across the Guadalupe River, stories have emerged from countless camps where courageous counselors put their campers first. We’ve always seen camp counselors as big sisters and brothers, the spirited cheerleaders who bring magic to summer. But this summer, they became heroes.

What many people don’t realize is that most of these incredible counselors, many still in high school or college, are volunteers. They give up their summers not for pay, but to mentor the next generation, to pay forward the gifts they once received. That is the legacy of camp: a place where you arrive timid and unsure, and leave with lifelong memories and a heart full of confidence and new friendships.

For the past thirteen years, I’ve spent my summers at TACSC, a youth leadership organization. All year long, our college students mentor our high school students, who then teach our middle schoolers essential leadership skills. But it’s during our summer conference, our version of camp, where the true magic happens. Over the past 43 years, more than 42,000 young leaders have come through our programs. In my own 13 years, I’ve had the privilege of working with over 22,000 remarkable students.

Each summer, before our campers arrive, I gather our team of dedicated volunteers for a pep talk. Like a coach before a big game, I remind them what it means to lead, to serve, and to give of themselves fully for the benefit of another. We reflect on the people who once poured into us and how we now have the opportunity to do the same. Then, we head out to greet our nervous and excited sixth, seventh, and eighth graders, arriving with their sleeping bags, stuffed animals, and wide eyes.

Within the hour, fear fades and smiles begin to bloom. That’s the magic of camp. It’s the freedom to play, to laugh, and to connect. It’s a space where judgment is left at the door and where kids feel safe to be who they truly are. That’s why 25 million children come back every year. And it’s why so many of those campers grow up to become counselors themselves.

Giving back to a place that shaped you is one of life’s greatest gifts. When a child looks up to a teenager or college student with admiration, it fills that counselor with purpose. And when a counselor tells a seventh grader how funny, smart, or kind they are….something shifts in that child. At TACSC, we call it “the magic.” And I know we’re not alone. It’s happening at camps all across the country.

In a time when we hear so much about youth anxiety and mental health challenges, I truly believe camp is the cure. At camp, students step into responsibility….they wake up on time, get themselves to breakfast, and manage their day. And with every small act of independence, they gain confidence. Without mom or dad there to fix everything, they figure it out. And when they do, they shine.

Now, as I wrap up my 13th summer at our Leadership Conference, I’m more convinced than ever: camp is the cure. Maybe we all need a little more of that magic. A little more play. A little more reinvention. A little more joy. Maybe we could all take a page from our counselors by serving others, giving compliments, listening deeply, being silly, and caring for our tribe. The world would be a kinder, better place if we did.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Ways to make a difference

How to support the people of Kerr County,Texas

While most of us were enjoying our 4th of July holiday the unthinkable was happening to a community in the hill country of Texas. As many of you have now read and heard the tragic stories of families and children being washed away by an extreme storm that hit early in the morning while many were sleeping. The flood waters rose over 25 feet in under an hours time.  As I write this there are 79 dead and at least a dozen young girls still missing from Camp Mystic.

My youngest son lives in Texas and one of his dear friends is a camp counselor at Camp Mystic. She is a lovely girl and she has worked at Camp Mystic every summer. Her family has lived in Kerr County for years. This July 4th she was with my son and his friends in Austin. Fortunately,  she wasn’t there when the flood hit but many of her friends were.  I reached out to her for ways we can support her community.  She shared these go funds me from dear family friends. In addition, there are a  few suggestions of ways to help.  I wanted to share these links here in blue:

Kerr County Flood Relief Fund 

This local community foundation has been established to help rebuild and help those who have lost everything.

Kerrville Pets Alive-

They are working to keep pets and reunite them with their families

Texas on a mission–

Texans on Mission has responded to every natural disaster in Texas since 1967 and many beyond it, including the Southeast Asia tsunami, Hurricane Katrina and the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. Through a diverse array of ministries, Texans on Mission has provided the calm after the storm for millions.

Texsar (Texas Search and Rescue)

This organization is working around the clock to help find people swept away from these floods

World Central Kitchen

Chef Andres is always there to feed communities, first responders and everyone in a disaster. I remember seeing him in Pasadena hours after the fires. His organization is always there to help and heal.

This has all hit close to home for so many of us. We can not begin to fathom sending our child off to camp only to have the unexpected happen. So many families are hoping and praying tonight. When the fires hit our community in January the world reached out to help. So many of you helped support friends GoFund Me and really wanted to give to someone directly impacted.  I asked our sweet friend to feel free to share a few of her friends Go Fund Me’s and I wanted to share those links below as well in blue.

Go Fund Me Accounts:
This account was set up to help Camps Mystic’s recovery
This Go Fund Me is set up for meal deliveries for families affected in the area and run by a family friend
The Broussard Family lost everything in the flood and have a new baby any support is a gift.

When tragedy strikes it is innate to want to help. That is who we were all born to be and what it means to be human. This past January we experienced an outpouring of love from the world when the fires hit our community. It was humbling, inspiring and overwhelming all at once. My hope is that the people of Kerr County feel this love and that it helps to get them through the days, weeks and months ahead.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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What Matters?

Another lap around the sun

Today is my birthday…my 59th, to be exact. How that happened and when… well, I’m not entirely sure. If my math is correct, I’m quickly sliding toward 60, although I’m pretty convinced I’m still 28.

I love birthdays, no matter the number. Yes, I’m one of those people, I can stretch a birthday into a month-long celebration. And why not? Any excuse to gather with people I love and celebrate life is good enough for me. It’s not just my birthday I love celebrating and genuinely enjoy celebrating everyone’s special day.

For the past thirteen years, my birthday has landed right in the middle of the busiest week of the year at work, so the celebrations have definitely shifted a bit. This year is no different. We’re hustling to distribute the last of our scholarship funds and getting all our future leaders registered for summer programs. It will be a busy birthday, perhaps not as festive as in years past, but one still full of purpose, which is a gift in itself.

This year, for my birthday, I’m asking for a gift from you. I’d love to know: what is your favorite cause and why? What organization or mission speaks to your heart?

I always love hearing from you, but your answers truly inspire me. They open my eyes to new causes and remind me of the incredible impact we can make when we care about something deeply. So please, take a moment and share what moves you.

To be honest, the greatest gift is simply knowing that we’re all here to serve one another. Thank you for being here, for caring, and for being part of this amazing community. You are the greatest gift of all.

 

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Charity Matters Inspiration

Halfway through 2025

June is just around the corner, which means we’re somehow halfway through the year. I’m not quite sure how that happened, but it definitely snuck up on me. Like many of us, I kicked off the year with a laundry list of goals. I love making lists, so trust me when I say that I set out to accomplish a lot. My philosophy is simple: if I don’t at least put it out there, it will never happen. And even if I only achieve half, I’m still moving the ball of life forward in some positive direction… or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Now, I’ll admit there are more than a few goals that haven’t seen the light of day. My commitment to return to yoga once a week? Not even close. I haven’t so much as stretched. Total fail. Sunday meal prep? Another great idea that has yet to materialize. And then there’s the long list of home improvement projects… still untouched. Let’s just say there’s definitely room for growth and improvement. But hey, that’s what Q3 and Q4 are for, right?

Looking back, though, there have been some solid wins. The book has been doing extremely well and it is such a joy to see that dream growing. My husband and I set a goal for quarterly adventures, and we’ve actually stuck to it! We’re on track to keep exploring and adventuring through the rest of the year, and that feels really good. I’ve made progress on the goal to scroll less and read more. I’m absolutely reading more…though if I’m honest, I’m not sure the scrolling has slowed down. So we’ll call that a partial win. What I am proud of is my commitment to being more present, being a better friend, and being a verb instead of a noun. This has been a year of action, and those are definitely strides worth celebrating at this mid-year checkpoint.

Of all the goals, the one I’m most proud of is the one my sister and I made together: spending more intentional time with our dad. We promised monthly “dates with Dad,” and it’s been one of the most meaningful accomplishments of the year. Sure, spending time with our dad is always good, but actually planning fun outings and experiences has created beautiful memories—and quality time that we all cherish. It was meant to be a gift for him, but in truth, we’re the ones who’ve received the greatest gift. We’ve road-tripped to Arizona to see family, explored museums, gone boating with his siblings, and we have more adventures ahead. Time with those you love really is the ultimate gift.

As I look ahead to the rest of the year, I know there’s still a lot I want to accomplish. Starting June 1st, I’m diving into a new workout and nutrition plan so that should help check off a few of the lingering health goals. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get around to meal prepping. A girl can dream, right? We’re all works in progress, and that means celebrating what we have done while still setting our sights on what we can do. Six months is still plenty of time to make meaningful progress. As far as I’m concerned, it’s never too late to start. As the Carroll shelby quote says in the photo above,”Persistence is the most important thing in life.”

So here’s to June….a fresh start, a second half, and a second chance to get it right… or at least move that ball one step farther down the field…persistently.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Charity Profile

Episode 88: A Brighter Day

I am so excited to introduce you today to an amazing man, Elliot Kallen. He is a passionate entrepreneur, nonprofit founder, and father who has transformed personal tragedy into a mission of hope. As the CEO of multiple companies and the founder of A Brighter Day, Elliot brings both business acumen and deep empathy to his work. After losing his 19-year-old son, Jake, to suicide, Elliot committed himself to supporting teens struggling with depression and anxietywith his nonprofit,  A Brighter Day.

Today his organization touches thousands of families each month. Grounded in the life lessons passed down from his Holocaust-survivor mother, Elliot lives with a deep sense of purpose—driven not by profit, but by impact. His story is one of resilience, love, and an unwavering belief in the power of helping others.

 

Here are a few highlights from our conversation:

Charity Matters: Tell us a little about what A Brighter Day does?

Elliot Kallen: What we do is we create resources for teens and their families on stress and depression with the goal of stopping teen suicide.

Charity Matters: Tell us a little about Growing up and your family?

Elliot Kallen: I’m the CEO of three companies right now. I grew up in a very middle-class home in New Jersey. My parents were community-minded and active members of our local synagogue. We gave money, even though my dad never made more than forty thousand dollars a year, and my mom was your typical 1960s–70s stay-at-home mom. Still, we gave back.

My mom often spoke about her father, who was a librarian in Vienna and probably made five dollars a week during the Great Depression. Every week, he would empty the change from his pockets, and that’s what he would donate. We were always taught to give back. Most of the time, that meant giving to family or helping cousins around the world.

Charity Matters: What was the moment you knew you needed to act and start A Brighter Day?

Elliot Kallen:  It’s a heartbreaking story, and sadly, it doesn’t have a happy ending. Eleven years ago, my 19-year-old son, Jake—a sophomore at the University of Montana—took his life in the early hours of a Friday morning. No drugs, no alcohol. He walked onto the highway and stepped in front of a truck.

We were frantically searching for him all day because his phone was off—something no teenager ever does. At 6:30 that evening, FedEx delivered a six-page suicide note. That’s how we found out he was gone. His note was filled with the typical ramblings of a teen in crisis, but one paragraph stood out. He wrote, “Mom and Dad, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I never would have told you how I felt. I never would have asked for your help. And I never would have taken your help.”

It was as if he was trying to let us off the hook—but how could we ever be?

His mother and I flew to Spokane the next morning, then drove to Missoula to claim his body, which had been left unclaimed at a funeral home. On the flight home, his body in the cargo hold beneath us, I kept rereading that paragraph. I turned to his mother and said, “We have to do something to prevent this devastation from happening to other families.” She replied, “I can’t do it. You’re on your own.” And so, I began the journey to create a nonprofit.

At first, the idea was to use music—bring in adult cover bands and host events for teens with mental health resources. But when we met with local musicians, they gave me critical advice: “This has to be for teens—by teens. No adult bands, no adults in the room. Teens won’t open up if they feel watched. And the resources have to be teen-friendly. Most mental health tools are built for adults, and they miss the mark.”

We decided to focus on depression, anxiety, and suicide prevention—issues teens face every day. A recent survey showed that nearly 50% of teens have felt anxious or depressed in the past year, and many have had suicidal thoughts.

I often describe it like this: imagine a six-sided box—four walls, a top, and a bottom. For teens, it’s rarely all blue sky. Life can feel like constant turmoil. And when all six sides of the box feel black—when it’s all pain and no light—some teens begin to believe, “Yesterday was awful. Tomorrow will be worse. No one will miss me anyway.”

That moment—that hopelessness—is where suicide lives. That’s what we’re trying to stop.

Charity Matters: What are your biggest challenges?

Elliot Kallen: I don’t want to downplay how cathartic it’s been to start a nonprofit and to share Jake’s story—especially in that first year. Every time I told it, I could barely hold back tears. What surprised me was how many people shared their own stories in return—about their uncle, aunt, parent, sibling. We cried together. I kept tissues nearby and handed them out often. If you cried in my office, chances are I was crying too.

Sometimes, I still go to the cemetery. Nothing changes—the view, the conversation—but it grounds me. I stand on Jake’s grave to read the plaque, and I talk to him. I talk to God. I don’t want to imagine Jake’s face in the clouds like a movie ending. But I do hope he’s listening.

I’ve built and sold businesses, so I understand the lifecycle—products, services, cash flow, lawsuits, people problems. A nonprofit is different. You still have people issues—because people are people—but the bigger challenge is constantly telling the story in a way that touches hearts. That’s not hard for me. The hard part is finding the right audience to tell it to. Filling rooms, building an online following, gaining traction—that’s the uphill battle.

And here’s the truth: every nonprofit is regional—until it either goes national or goes out of business. I’ve served on national boards like the Boys and Girls Clubs and the American Cancer Society. They were national before I joined. My nonprofit, A Brighter Day, has resources used in all 50 states, but when it comes to fundraising, we’re still very local. Regional nonprofits live hand-to-mouth. That means I need to lead, write checks, and carry the mission forward every day.

But I don’t want to die and take the nonprofit with me. I’m working hard to build sustainability so I can eventually step back from being the de facto leader and just serve as a board member. We talk constantly about that next step—about building longevity and putting a structure in place so A Brighter Day has legs without me.

I believe there should always be a Kallen on the board—because it began with us—but they don’t have to lead. They just need to show up once a year, wherever they live, to remind others why we exist. This began with Jake, but it doesn’t have to end with me. That’s the goal.

Charity Matters: What fuels you to keep doing this work?

Elliot Kallen: I’ve been very blessed in my life. Even after losing my son to suicide, I still consider myself incredibly fortunate. I grew up in a small, middle-class home, but I was always deeply loved. My father was part of the Greatest Generation and my mother survived Auschwitz. They had both seen unthinkable tragedy and loss.

Their voices still guide me—what I call the “schizophrenic voices” on my shoulders, not devil and angel, but Mom and Dad. My father’s message was always, “You can never make up for hard work,” and he instilled that in his three children—we all became workaholics. My mother’s voice says, “You can do better today than you did yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.”

That mindset stays with me. I still come to work each day with energy and excitement, whether it’s in my for-profit ventures or in the nonprofit space. In business, I’m always asking how we can grow, improve, and learn from our missteps—because mistakes are just painful learning moments. In the nonprofit world, the question is: how do we serve more people, more effectively, without burning through resources?

Every organization, for-profit or nonprofit, has a financial burn rate. If you ignore that, one day you wake up and can’t make payroll. That’s the reality. Whether or not you call it capitalism, we’re all accountable to the numbers—even in service work.

Charity Matters: Tell us what success you have had and what your impact has been? 

Elliot Kallen:  Right now, through A Brighter Day and all our online resources at abrighterday.info, we’re reaching thousands. One of our biggest tools is a teen-focused texting crisis line that gets 50 to 150 new teens every month. They receive a response within five minutes—because teens love to text—and almost every single one asks the same heartbreaking question: “Am I the only one feeling this way?” They’re incredibly isolated.

We also know that if your teen came to you and said, “Mom, I’m cutting” or “I’m thinking about hurting myself,” you’d do everything you could to get them help. But in most places it can take 6 to 10 weeks to get a live appointment with a licensed therapist. We can connect teens with a licensed therapist via Zoom in all 50 states within seven days. And while virtual counseling isn’t quite the same as being in the room, it’s still meaningful support—and we cover the cost for 90 days.

Right now, we’re reaching between 3,000 and 6,000 families every single month.

Charity Matters: If you could dream any dream for your organization, what would that be?

Elliot Kallen: If there’s one word that defines our goal, it’s impact. We want to make a meaningful difference in people’s lives, and that only happens if our message truly reaches them.

People ask me, “Where do you see yourself in 20 years?” My honest answer: I hope I’m still alive—but not still running the charity. That would mean I failed to build something sustainable. What I really hope is that, at my funeral, someone stands up and says, “He made a major impact on everyone he touched.” That’s the legacy I’m striving for.

Charity Matters: What life lessons have you learned from this experience?

Elliot Kallen: The biggest lesson? Life is incredibly short. My mother used to say, “Life goes by in the blink of an eye,” and I never understood it until I got older—but she was right.

You can’t take life for granted. You have to show up every day with the right attitude, because attitude really iseverything. If you keep putting in the effort with heart and intention, good things follow.

What truly matters is the people around you, the lives you touch, the impact you make. It’s not just about who’s impacted you—it’s about how many lives you can reach and make better. If you focus on that, you’re doing something truly great.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Charity Profile

Episode 87: Raregivers Global

You’ve heard me say it time and time again—the universe constantly places incredible people in my path. Sometimes I think my brain has a special filter that helps me find the very best humans on this planet. A few months ago, I was speaking to a National Charity League group and selling books when this bright light of a woman approached to buy a few. We started talking, and of course—she’s a nonprofit founder! But she is so much more than that. Her story is as amazing as she is.

I am truly excited for you to meet Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin and hear her incredible journey of service with her nonprofit, RareGivers Global—a worldwide network that provides emotional support to caregivers of those with rare, chronic, and complex diseases. Did you know that 350 million people worldwide live with a rare disease? That’s 1 in 15 families globally who are navigating these caregiving challenges. Cristol’s story is ultimately a love story—for her brothers, whom she lost to a rare disease—and how she now uses her life to help countless others.

 

Here are a few highlights from our conversation:

Charity Matters: Tell us a little about what Raregiver Global does?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin: Raregivers cares for the caregivers. We are all about providing emotional relief services to caregivers that are living in what we call a radical caregiving environment. We work specifically with patients, parents and  healthcare professionals in rare, chronic and complex diseases. There’s about 10,000 uncured rare diseases that have been genetically identified, and it’s not a small community. It’s the wrong word… rare. The rare disease community is actually one in 10 families in the United States, and one in 15 worldwide.

This is really radical caregiving. This is 24/7 medical management at home. This is doing skilled nursing interventions like administering epileptic medications every hour on the hour, 24/7 for decades.

Charity Matters: Tell us a little about Growing Up…Did you have any indicators that maybe you would go into this type of work?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin:  My parents met when they were 15—he was the football captain, she was the cheerleader. They married at 19 and told their pediatrician they wanted a big family. Within eight years, they had five children. What my mother didn’t know was that she was a carrier for Hunter Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder affecting boys.

My oldest brother didn’t have it, but my younger brothers David, Jared, and Randy did. My mom noticed early delays in their development. Eventually, they received the diagnosis: Hunter Syndrome. There’s no cure. Our family went through every phase of grief, holding on to hope.

I was 10 when Randy passed at 12. My other brothers passed at 18 and 19. I was 10, 14, and 15 when they died. Not long after, my parents divorced. Later, I learned that divorce rates are six times higher in rare disease families. Depression, anxiety, and addiction rates are also staggeringly high among caregivers.

Charity Matters: What was the moment you knew you needed to act and start Raregivers Global?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin:  You even mentioned in your book, Change for Good, the impact of mortality events.  I think there is a moment in your life where you realize you’re mortal.  You think, I may not be on the planet as long as I thought I was going to be. This is not a dress rehearsal and we only have one life to make our mark.  I always wanted to be in an environment where I can give back and to have some sort of meaningful element to the work I’m doing.  That moment for me was far after my brothers had passed.

As I started thinking about starting a family.  I was genetically tested and actually found out that I was a carrier. And based on that, my dad and I go to the national MPs (Hunter’s Syndrome) family conference. We walk in the door and we look around and there are all these young men that look like my brothers. It just gave me chills.

I came home and said to my girlfriends, “There’s a part of my history that I’ve never really shared with you.  And I want to do something.” We started a fundraising organization called Angel Aid.  Angel is a moniker, A, N, G, E, L which stands for A Nonprofit Group Enriching Lives.

It took awhile but we raised $50,000 and in 2002 we received a matching research grant  which went on to become an FDA approved treatment. The research doctor had this very elegant idea that if the kids are missing the enzyme, they need to create a synthetic version of that enzyme, and we’ll flush it through their body like dialysis, Enzyme Therapy. We went through FDA approval that funded research. Then  we went through clinical trial, and now young men that would have passed away in their teens are going off to college.

Charity Matters: What are your biggest challenges?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin:  The challenge is that missions morph. Angel Aid was the precursor to Rare Givers.  And here’s the challenge. There’s no cures for any of these diseases.  Community is not a cure, it’s a treatment.  I mentioned 10,000 rare diseases, one in 10, one in 15. Worldwide, that’s  350 million families and there’s only treatments for 5% of that community. So the challenge is the other 95% have no options, none.  They’re going through the same cycles that my family went through holding hope and grief in the same heart every single day.

In 2016, I went in and I got a routine mammogram. I came out with a breast cancer diagnosis.  I was like, Oh no, well, there’s another shift in mortality.  Now I have a 10 year old. I’m married. What hit my heart was, what am I waiting for?  I thought my community was the MP/Hunter’s Syndrome community. Then I realized, my community is this much broader community. I was waking up every single night, thinking these families with rare diseases must all be in emotional crisis. There’s no cures. That community needs emotional support like I received with breast cancer support.

Charity Matters: What fuels you to keep doing this work?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin: My mother inspires me because, as I mentioned, my parents divorced, and my mother went on a very deep, dark journey with alcohol,  gambling, with any really kind of escape mechanism to deal with the pain and grief.

We can’t imagine the choices that my family’s had to make. Somewhere along the way, her faith pulled her through, and she got sober. She came back to me. My mom showed up for my daughter and my family in a way that was really profound. She actually reconnected with my father and did a lot of really healing conversations. So what fuels me is very personal, but it’s also, an example of what can happen in rare disease families. This is the joy to the grief.

Charity Matters: Tell us what success you have had and what your impact has been? 

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin: We’ve identified 287 pieces of published research on the emotional toll of rare disease caregiving. From this, we developed an emotional journey map outlining six stages families go through—from noticing changes in a loved one to diagnosis, caregiving, and end-of-life care.

We started with seven women in a living room in 2019. Today, we’ve reached 77,000 families. Our guidebook—thanks to Microsoft—has been translated into 12 languages. With AI tools, they’re working on 400 more. Our goal? Reach 3.5 million rare givers by 2026. What do we need now? Funding. But we have momentum on our side.

Charity Matters: If you could dream any dream for your organization, what would that be?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin:  I dream big. My dream is very clear and specific. I want Dolly Parton to write a song about RareGivers. Then Melinda Gates will hear it, fund a $10 million endowment, and Oprah will spread the word to hospitals worldwide. Colin Farrell, whose son has a rare disease, will join in. Chris Hemsworth will visit rare disease families in Australia. Eva Longoria will thank us at a L’Oréal event. John Mayer will bring a Hunter Syndrome patient onstage. And Julia Roberts will direct and star in an Amazon series to educate the world. That’s my dream.

Charity Matters: What life lessons have you learned from this experience?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin: When I was younger, I used to think that I was creating change in the world and I would just muscle it out and use my intellect, my network, connections, skills and just manifest change. During COVID, it was just a global pandemic, that humbles you in a way that  you just can’t deny.  We had to relaunch Rare Givers.  I started realizing that I can’t muscle through this.

I was looking at my mother, she’s a very strong woman of faith, and I really had not cultivated that side of my heart and my soul.  The word surrender just kept coming up again and again.  It brings me to tears, because as soon as I surrendered the outcome, then it just became an exercise in faith. I will tell you that the miracles just start coming, and then you start living in gratitude, hopping from miracle to miracle and that exact right person arrives.

Charity Matters: You mentioned there was a happy ending to your familY’s story, can you share it with us?

Cristol Barrett O’Loughlin: My parents married young and lost three of their five children. They divorced, remarried, divorced again, and married new partners for 20 years. Both were widowed in the same year our daughter Chloe was born.

Chloe’s arrival reopened their hearts. After 35 years apart, they began dating again. And last year, at 81 years old, we remarried them—60 years after their original wedding. That’s our happy ending.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

YOUR REFERRAL IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT,  IF YOU ARE SO MOVED OR INSPIRED, WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO SHARE AND INSPIRE ANOTHER. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please connect with us:

Copyright © 2025 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.

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