“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. “
Henri Bergson
Maybe its spring but change is in the air. Our second son is deciding where he will attend college in the fall. Our eldest is deciding which direction life is taking him. Our youngest is wrapping up the last weeks of middle school, as high school looms ahead. My husband and I, just stare at each other and find ourselves asking the other, “Where did the time go?”
The change is everywhere but while change is loss, it is also a sign of growth, maturity and ultimately a promise for what is to be.
Just hearing the words, Let it be I begin to hear the song..speaking words of wisdom, let it be…let it be. Sometimes letting it be is the most difficult thing of all. Those words were the singular wish of a young girl named Karla Rosen who was diagnosed January 7th, 2005 with a rare brain cancer. Her heartfelt desire was to “just be.”
During that year, their community rallied around their family to take care of meals, Karla’s two siblings, yard work, and all of life’s task that shift in the wake of a child’s health. The community support was overwhelming, wrist bands were made and sold to help pay the medical bills. After a year of fighting this horrible disease, Karla Rosen lost her battle with cancer on February 5th, 2006. She was 15 years old.
Her parents, found a letter in her room shortly after her death that said, “I have only known two other people with my condition: one passed away, and one has been struggling for life in the hospital for many months. I now know, because of what I am able to accomplish once again, what miracle God wanted me to pass on – the miracle of life. Thanks to my cancer, I now do not sweat the small things in life and live it to its fullest.”
With the help of the community, within months of Karla’s death, her family decided to celebrate what would have been Karla’s 16th birthday with the creation of the Let it Be Foundation. Their mission is to provide ongoing support and services to families and children diagnosed with life threatening illnesses throughout the child’s treatment, with a focus on the entire family.
The Rosen family has taken their unbearable loss and turned it into a legacy of compassion for others. As the song says, “there will be an answer, let it be…let it be…..”
A few years ago when the movie The Blind Side came out, I was told by a number of friends that I reminded them of Sandra Bullock’s character in the movie. At the time I thought it was perhaps because I had overly highlighted my hair, was raising a football player and had once done interior design. While I love Sandra Bullock, that was not who I was being compared to, but rather to Leigh Anne Tuohy, the character she played. I wasn’t sure exactly how to take this comment.
Months later, while speaking with my step sister, who was then promoting The Blind Side, she told me she had just met the Tuohy family from the film. Unaware of the previous comparisons, she said the same thing, however, this time about the actual person, Leigh Anne. She explained that Leigh Anne Tuohy wanted to bring orphans to the Academy Awards to highlight the need for adoption of abandoned children. Needless to say, that didn’t happen….but I secretly loved the idea.
A few years passed and I forgot all about the comparison. Then, last weekend, my oldest son came home for Easter, and brought me a present. He said, he had heard Mr. Tuohy speak at his school, promoting their new book, In a Heartbeat, Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving. My oldest said, as he heard Sean Tuohy describe his wife, it reminded him of me, so he waited in line and brought me this.
I was flattered beyond words and for once was completely blind sided.
“For I remember it is Easter morn, And life and love and peace are all new born.” Alice Freeman Palmer
For as long as I can remember I have either hunted Easter eggs or hosted an Easter egg hunt. Never in my lifetime, whether in college or as a newlywed did my parents not have an Easter egg hunt for us. Now, as I am entering the mid-section of my life, I think this Sunday maybe the last egg hunt I host.
How I went from the little girl with the basket, to the crazed hostess stuffing eggs and eating twice as many that are being filled, I am not exactly sure?
What I do know is that the joy that comes from hosting, from giving, sharing and delighting in others happiness is sweeter than all the chocolate consumed.
We have begun our spring cleaning. No, not with mops and brooms but rather clearing out closets, drawers, garages of unwanted, unused and unnecessary possessions. Luckily for me, I was inspired by recent visit to the Los Angeles Chapter of The St. Vincent de Paul Society.
Time and again, I have cleared out my closets and driven to the Goodwill….and am embarrassed to say that I am not sure what it is exactly they do with my things? One of my earliest childhood memories was of the St. Vincent de Paul truck pulling up for our used donations. Over the holidays, I met the Executive Director of the LA Chapter, and he invited me down to see what exactly it is that they do and trust me, it is so much more than a truck!
On my visit I learned the history of this amazing organization, which was founded in Paris in 1833 by a compassionate college student named Frederic Ozanam. He was challenged by the poverty he saw on the streets and organized a “Conference of Charity” to help the poor of all religions. Frederic wanted to create an avenue that assisted people to express their faith and grow spiritually through acts of charity. My kind of guy.
For over 100 years, SVDP has been serving the needy throughout the United States. The Society, as its called, is able to help provide the needy to become self sufficient by providing emotional and financial support, food, clothing, furniture and housing because of donations both financial and household. Many of the household items are passed on directly to someone in need.
Today, the Society, is an international volunteer organization with over 1,000,000 members in 142 countries and continues its founder’s mission to “seek and find the forgotten, the suffering or the deprived.”
So, as you start your spring cleaning, remember how much good your unneeded items are for another.
Twenty years ago today I became a mother. In the blink of an eye my entire life changed. My heart grew beyond its capacity, I never knew what tired was, until that moment and somehow my re-birth began with his. They handed me this perfect little bundle and my life was forever connected to another.
That indescribable connection that threads one human being to the next. The cord is cut and yet somehow in that moment, you become another’s life anchor. The first decade blows by in a flash, as your little boat tugs and pulls but never strays too far from safe harbor. Happy to be safely moored and tethered to its anchor.
The second decade comes and the waters begin to get rough and choppy, as the storms blow in and out of adolescence. As many dark and stormy days as there are, the smooth water is just now on the horizon. Little by little you realize that it is time to untie from the mooring and watch your boat sail away. You know there are rough waters out there ahead. You see the storms before they do and yet, always, you are there as their anchor and safe harbor, no matter how far away they sail.
The moments pass from days to years to decades and yet, the anchor remains. Always there, solid, strong, waiting for the safe return of its boat to the safe harbor of home.
I wondered why somebody didn’t do something. Then I realized, I am somebody.
Unknown
I love this quote and I think when I reflect on the incredible women that I profiled this week, it is the perfect fit. Two women, very different who simply wanted to make the world better in any tiny way they could. There is nothing tiny about one person simply helping another. It is the ripple effect of their kindness that makes them unknown heroes.
Each of us has the capacity to do a family service project, get a group of friends together for a dinner or simply to find a small way to lift another up.
I love meeting people who want to make a difference. Every time I come into orbit of an extraordinary person who simply wants to make the world better, I am lifted up and inspired. Last week a friend of mine connected me to another quiet angel is quietly doing just that. Her name is Alexandra Dwek and she is not your average philanthropist.
Alexandra had the brilliant idea of combining the things she loved most, her friends, the causes she cares about and bringing them all together in her home. She named her concept Friends With Causes. Like most of us with busy lives, we don’t get enough time with our friends and going out for dinner or drinks with a friend or two at a time is both expensive and time-consuming. Alexandra came up with the perfect solution.
Four times a year she invites a fun group of friends, usually about 30, to a pot luck at her home. She lets guest know that there is a contribution, usually what you would spend if you went out for drinks or dinner, or whatever you are comfortable with. After a fun casual dinner, a speaker from the non-profit shares the story of their cause and a specific program that they need help with.
Alexandra finds causes that cover a variety of areas from children’s issues to veterans to health and beyond. More than that, she visits the non-profit and specifically identifies one project that her friends can complete, so friends leave knowing that their fun night out made a specific impact. Her dinners typically raise $3,000 and up per evening. More than that, they expose a non-profit to a new audience, enlighten one another, bring people together to make a difference.
As Alexandra so beautifully said quoting Mother Teresa, ” If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” She added, “Every little bit makes a difference.”
This past weekend I attended a party for an East Coast non-profit that is heading to LA, which is an unusual move in the non-profit world. There are so many things that make Project Giving Kidsunusual, and by that I mean, out of the ordinary and extraordinary. Most of that comes from the amazing founder, Molly Yuska.
I met Molly a few months back interviewing her for CM and knew instantly that she was extraordinary. Her mission is to teach, expose and connect busy families and children to fun, meaningful and age appropriate service activities. She does that by partnering with local (now LA based) non-profits that vary from Healing the Bay to Food for Free and Gotta Have Sole, just to name a few.
Molly is an uber connector but more than that she is passionate about instilling the values of compassion and kindness in her children and ours. She shared a story Saturday night that said it all. Molly told the crowd that her young children wanted to have a lemonade stand a few weeks back. Molly groaned, as they had just done one.
Molly asked her children, “What would you give the money too?”
Her child’s response was,” I don’t want to charge money, I want to give the lemonade away.”
Molly, ” Why would you have a lemonade stand for free?”
Her daughter’s answer,” To spread love and kindness.”
That is exactly what Molly is doing, spreading love and kindness. Two things that world can never have enough of. So welcome to Los Angeles Project Giving Kids! Thank you for bringing all of us more love and kindness.
A few months back my sister-in-law emailed me to tell me about a conversation she had with her childhood friend, Valerie. who was starting a foundation. In 2011, Valerie received some extremely sad news that her then, seemingly healthy 5-year-old son was in fact, not healthy and was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. What began with sore leg muscles was in fact a disease that is the most common fatal, genetic childhood disorder, which affects approximately one out of 3500 boys each year and has no cure.
Valerie and her husband Jorge were told that most Duchenne boys are diagnosed between the ages of 3 and 5 and are in a wheelchair between 10-12 years old. The disease is associated with respiratory failure, heart failure, and debilitating orthopedic complications. Up until just few years ago – upon a diagnosis of Duchenne, neurologists offered no hope for the families and told them just go home and love their boys as long as possible. Most Duchenne boys die in their late teens and twenties. The worst of all there has never been a survivor.
However, after grieving and processing this incredible news The Llauro Family decided to get to work in search of a cure. After learning about some breakthrough treatment drugs that are being developed which may be available soon, they decided to create the WalkingStrong Foundation to dramatically increase Duchenne awareness and support scientists in funding their research.
They said, “We are determined and hopeful that our son, Alexander, continues WALKING STRONG. We founded Walking Strong to solidify our determination and commitment in making our son and other Duchenne boys – the first ever survivors. Duchenne parents are living on a time clock. As most parents make plans and look forward to their children’s future, Duchenne parents, fear the future. We fear what lies ahead for our boys. The time is now, for breakthrough treatments for these boys
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
John Lennon
I am always planning ahead, it is a blessing and a curse. It makes everything move forward and yet, I often miss the very things that are right in front of me, because I am moving at mach speed. The last few days I have very purposely slowed down….it has been amazing, the beautiful gifts that were right in front of me and the abundance of joy captured. My son catching a fish, a run with my children, a smile from my husband and our grown children jumping on our bed.
Nothing extraordinary but all magnificent, and as I write this I wonder what else have I missed? Since I never look back and only ahead, I am trying to redirect my gaze….remembering to focus on the beauty that is right in front of me.
“Life is a great and wonderous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here and right now. Don’t miss it.”
Leo Buscaglia
Life has been full these past few months with no rest for the weary. So, I am taking some of my own advice and enjoying some much-needed time off. My oldest is home from college and we are months away from our second son leaving the nest, which seemed like the perfect excuse for a mini vacation.
What is here and now for me is my family and those precious moments of all of us together. What is right here and now for you? Whatever it is I’m sure you don’t want to miss it!
Forgive me if I sound a little bit like a broken record these past few weeks but when signs continue to re-occur, I feel compelled to address them. Each week I write about giving…giving of time, talent or treasure, as they say….but over and over I keep hearing that many of us are empty….and like the giving tree there is simply nothing left to give.
You are not alone. This past fall I had some health issues….the final diagnosis was stress, overload, exhaustion. I had given beyond what I had to give…to my job, the many causes I support, board commitments, Charity Matters and of course our daily commitments to family, friends and the list goes on….mine, I’m sure, is no different from yours.
Did this trigger a radical shift? Sadly, no…radical isn’t in my DNA, but it did cause a slow transition. Have I slowed down? Not really, but what I am doing is recognizing the danger signs and giving myself permission to take a day off, permission to do things that make me happy, fill me with joy and fill my soul.
Of course I want to do it all, give to all , I have to give to myself, in order to give to all of those I so deeply want to help. Tomorrow, I will practice my husbands favorite slogan, “Charity starts at home.”
“I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.”
Ernest Hemingway
March is a crazy time of year for me and my family. All three of our sons celebrate March birthdays, it is a busy work time for my business and basically the NBA so got it right in calling it March Madness. So as I burn the candle at both ends and the tank begins to run very low, it is approaching time to refill.
I simply don’t know how to slow down, but I can step away for a few days, enjoy the gift of family and the precious days together. Then as Hemingway so eloquently stated, I can ensure that,” I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there.”
