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Grief March 2, 2016

I love Lucy

The day after the Super Bowl we put our dog down, her name was Lucy. I have not been able to write about this, much less even process the loss until now. However, every time I walk in the door and there is no one to greet me, wag their tail and beam full of love, I feel the most horrible loss.

She came to us via the pound, 13 years ago as mutt, on death row at the Humane Society. She had been adopted twice and not picked up, but when we saw her, we knew she belonged to us. My youngest son’s first memory was having a playdate at the pound with Lucy to make sure we were a “match” and never had there been a better one.

She was needy, I’m sure from being abandoned at 6 months old. All Lucy wanted was love. She didn’t jump or lick all over you but she just smiled wagged her tail and made you feel as if you were the center of her world. She loved our three sons and was crazy protective of all of us. Sure, in the early days, she ate a lot of furniture, she loved cushions and upholstery, but after that…she was as great of a dog as anyone could ever ask for.

A week before Christmas, when we were days from our move, she didn’t seem right, so we took her to the vet. They told us she needed spinal surgery and put her on cortisone. Shortly after, she bounced back and seemed almost herself. In reality, I think she knew it was her time and just held on a little longer because of the move. She always thought about everyone but herself.

Almost a month from the move, things suddenly were not ok. The vet said it was time to say goodbye to Lucy and came to the house for us. The boys faced timed the dog from college to say goodbye and she just kept looking for them. The three of us sat around her and told her we loved her and it was ok to go.

Old Yeller wasn’t half as sad as this moment. She kept trying to get one last look, not wanting to leave us, our protector until the end. Saying goodbye is never easy but saying goodbye to a member of your family whose sole mission was to provide love, is impossible.

Thank you sweet Lucy for showing us that love is boundless and forever. I loved you so Lucy.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? February 22, 2016

A place for everything

A place for everything and everything in its place, was a phrase I heard over and over as a child. To be honest, I don’t think I really understood this saying until very recently. Most of us spent the month of January and February cleaning out and purging after the holidays, an annual ritual for many. For me, the process of cleaning out and really finding a permanent place for everything has just begun.

What began as a simple task has become more of a metaphor for life. It seems that just when things are “put away,” that is when that crazy thing called change sneaks up, shifts everything and things become unsettled and somehow without place. Change is a pattern and rhythm of life that simply can’t be avoided.

However, once the dust settles. It is time to pick everything up and begin finding a proper place for it. Do I hold on to this? What stays and what goes? The joy that follows releasing what must be let go, is surprising. When you find the proper place for things, something magical happens, a shift. When you think about it, there is the permanence with place.

We all crave it and I am finally finding mine, one drawer at a time.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration February 17, 2016

Beautiful music

Let me begin by saying I believe in signs. Have you ever exited a freeway off ramp to find someone standing there with a sign? It can be anything from need food, homeless please help….you know the ones. Every time, I feel uncomfortable, I feel guilty and often, even ashamed when I do not roll down the window and give.

I have interviewed many founders and executive directors of homeless shelters and all have advised me never, ever give in this way, and so for the most part I haven’t. I have also learned from past experience. A time at USC when I ran across the street and used my allowance to buy a hungry man groceries, only to be yelled at that he didn’t want the food. A blind man, who took my money and then loaded up his wheelchair in his van and drove away.

I’m sure my experiences are exceptions but nonetheless, experiences that changed my giving in this manner….until the other day. It was the long holiday weekend and we pulled off the freeway and missed the light. So there we were, trapped with a handsome young man and a sign. I tried to turn my head away to avoid eye contact, feeling that creeping feeling of shame, when the most unexpected thing happened.

He picked up a cello, which was broken and patched together, that I hadn’t seen, and began to play. I rolled down the window to hear and he smiled a beautiful smile and told us he wrote the piece and started playing at the age of 11. We were entranced, as were all the other motorist around us. We couldn’t open our wallets fast enough and when the light turned green, we wanted to cry and never wanted his beautiful music to end.

The joy this beautiful music brought was a gift and a sign. A sign to open my heart, my eyes and my ears to all that is around me. When I do that, beauty is everywhere, you just need to look and listen to the signs.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes February 8, 2016

Charity Matters Quotes:Kindness

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”

Seneca

I hope everyone had a great Super Bowl Sunday.

Many of us have been divided lately, whether from Broncos vs. Panthers or the crazy Presidential race, it seems like a good time, to take a moment to simply be kind.

It sounds so basic, and yet it is a choice each of us make multiple times a day.

So lets make the choice to be kind.

Have a great week!

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? January 20, 2016

Finding your self uncluttered

As the New Year begins, I am reading the best seller, The Life-Changing Magic of Tiding Up, a book on the Japanese method of decluttering. A state that many of us find ourselves in this time of year, cleaning and clearing out. And sadly, a book I found later instead of sooner.

In the book, the author poses three questions to ask yourselves about your possessions:

1. Do I love it?

2. Do I need it?

3. Does it bring me joy?

These questions are the beginnings of my New Years resolutions. While the questions are meant for stuff, they are questions for our lives. As I begin to ask myself these questions, in regards to more than possessions, I begin to declutter my life. Under the clutter I find myself, my truth, my voice and little by little, like a bad sunburn, the fresh layers of self begin to reveal.

As the fresh layers appear, so does the spring in the step, the smile reveals itself and more than that, the light within begins to shine brighter. Decluttered and raw like new skin, that is when I am true, my best self and on the path to a bright New Year.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? January 12, 2016

Home

Home.

What is that place?

It is roots. It is stability. It is the foundation of our lives.

Home is where we start and end each day.

It is what grounds, builds and nurtures us, and gives us a place.

A place to belong, to be ourselves and to be true to who we are.

As I establish a new home, I am mindful that it is not what is physically inside our house, but rather what we house emotionally.

Home is simply place, acceptance and love…..

and why we all need it.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? December 30, 2015

New Year, new home…

I’m sure all of you are as tired as I am, hearing about our move. Well, it happened yesterday and I’m sure I had written a fabulous post between the holidays and packing and I promise when I find it in one of these thousands of boxes, it will be up.

Until then, thank you all for your kindness and patience in the next few days ahead. Moving is never fun, especially this time of year. However, this New Year, we will start off in our new home. So cheers to new beginnings.

Wishing you all a wonderful and joyous New Year!

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? December 21, 2015

Goodbye 1464

Is it possible to have a love affair with a house? If so, I have been deeply in love, since the first moment I laid eyes on her almost nine years ago. A memory, I will never forget . She was an overgrown ivy covered mess, with bars on the windows, chipped paint, leaking roof and a list of repairs, a mile long. Yet, to me she was the most beautiful home I had ever seen. A house that you only dream you might live in one day.

My husband said she was way “too needy and too expensive and that it would never happen.” However, after the bidding war with 13 others, fate and the previous family of 50 years, we were entrusted with 1464. The almost decade spent remodeling, gardening, loving and living in this home has been some of the best years of my life.

When I think about what I will miss the most, the list is almost as long as the original repairs needed. I will miss waking up each day and seeing the sun rise over the tree tops in the park across the street. I will miss opening my doors to hearing the sounds of young children playing in the park, a sound that has become like the back round music for our home and a soundtrack for our life. I will miss sitting on my front lawn and having my own personal 4th of July show, while the entire city is in the park.

More than all of that, it will be the moments of daily life that will never happen again, looking out seeing a slew of dumped bicycles in the driveway with boys throwing footballs on the front lawn. Our families huge Easter egg hunts, the summer nights of fierce badminton games, lighting candles for dinner parties and guests, pumpkin carvings, Christmas mornings and the celebration of friends and families that will not be happening again in this magical place.

Lastly, I will miss the ritual with my sons that happened every time we drove into the driveway and I saw my beloved 1464. I would turn and say, “Wow, I wonder who lives in that beautiful house?” The boys would respond, “I don’t know, but whoever they are, they sure are lucky.” Words that have never been more true. We were so lucky.

Thank you 1464, it has been a privilege and an honor to be your temporary custodians and this love affair will never end. We have given everything we had to you and in turn you have blessed us beyond measure. A home is much more than wood and bricks, it has a soul and yours has entranced me and always will. Thank you for giving us so many memories and a place we proudly called home.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? December 9, 2015

Am I Superwoman?

Am I superwoman? An odd question and yet at this time of year, a role that many women feel they must embrace. During the holidays, we all must done our capes, grab our list and take on that role. My answer to that question is no and yes. I have always been able to multi-task, cruise through a list, juggle multiple devices at once and have dinner cooking on the stove. But does this really mean I’m super?

In the eyes of some, yes, but in reality, the answer is NO. This makes me busy and let me be clear, busy isn’t super, it is just busy. Somewhere along the way people have confused the two, myself included. Busy doesn’t put me in the moment because I’m moving too fast to see and feel it. Busy is simply going down a list.

Superwoman, is super because she is present. She is super when she stops to recognize a moment that will slip away in a blink. Superwoman, cries, feels, admits she simply can’t do it all and most importantly, she stops to think and recognize it. Superwoman knows that life is not a list but a series of moments to be treasured and cherished before they simply slip away.

This holiday season and everyday that is the woman I am striving to be, super or not.

Charity Matters.

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Ways to make a difference December 2, 2015

Out with the old….

As you all know we are in the process of moving. Actually, this weekend we are having our moving sale. We have hired someone to facilitate this for us, as the process is simply one more step that I simply cannot manage, more specifically, managing all that stuff. How did we get here?

A home is like a handbag, the bigger it is, the more you can cram in it…but why? What is the purpose in filling it? As I look at a full house, I find myself struggling with the guilt and gluttony of it all. The guilt comes from wondering why do we have so much, when so many have so little? An answer, I do not think is simple, but the question circles in my mind, as I sift through so much stuff.

The process is difficult enough and then adding the holidays to the formula has simply added to the confusion. How can we possibly shop for more stuff when we have worked so hard to purge all that we have? It simply makes no sense, none.

So, as I continue the sifting, editing and purging process, I am trying to find gratitude for all that we have. The sale will give us extra funds that we will pass along to our favorite causes and then everything that doesn’t sell will be donated to a few other non-profits that we support. While this does not bring clarity or answers to my questions, it will bring joy to others and that will fill my heart…not my home…and isn’t that what really matters?

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? November 23, 2015

A house full of noise

As Thanksgiving week begins, there is much to be thankful for this year. My sons are heading home from school mid-week, the house will be full of noise, chaos, friends and all that fills me up. There is simply nothing better than a noisy full house that is alive.

This year just as our house begins to fill in one area we will begin emptying in others. A process that for many, is cathartic, renewing and invigorating but for me has been difficult. My husband can rifle through a drawer never notice the saved birthday card, the tiny memento and in a moment have it all in a box. Yes, he wins on efficiency…

However, for me each drawer uncovers a memory, a moment, a special something and I find myself looking backwards at our life and all it has been. Where has it gone? How are our sons in college?Remembering how we were and filled with nostalgia.

I am reminded by many, that this is a process that most go through at some stage of life and I find myself wondering if it easy for everyone or this difficult? I know being sentimental does not and will not lend itself to our new mid-century zen home and that,”stuff” and memories are not the same. Yet, each item triggers another memory, another moment and a place in time that brings smiles and tears.

So, as the house fills with the noise and the chaos of the week, I am full of gratitude. We have been blessed with 3 amazing healthy sons, a life full of family, friends, fun and memories and a home that has anchored much of it. As the tears, roll down my cheeks and the house fills with noise I know that this is what matters and I am blessed.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? November 18, 2015

Clearing Out

This week clarity is on my mind. Seeing clearly, what is important. As many of you know, our home is in escrow and we are beginning the process of clearing out. What initially seemed to me like a simple closet cleaning has become so much more. It is the editing our story, tossing out a piece of our past to make way for our future.

Each item tells a story, has a history or a moment in time that is no longer relevant. The process of clearing out and decluttering becomes about more than the item but by the space found by its absence. It becomes about clearing out not just closets but oneself and a clarity of what is truly important.

Taking inventory of what matters and what must stay. The reality is that the life time of collecting things, one realizes how little they mean. The possibility of an open white canvas, our new modern home and simplified life style is more than stuff. It is a fresh start, a new beginning, a time to reprioritize.

Before the new chapter can begin, the letting go, clearing process and closing of this chapter must start. If there is one thing I know, it is there is no clarity in clutter and not an ending without a new beginning.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? November 16, 2015

What is essential is invisible to the eyes

“Il est seulement avec la coeur que l’on ne voit bien ce qui est essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”

Le petit Prince

What a difference a few hours can make. Last friday I shared the quote from The Little Prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Within hours of that post, terrorist attacked innocent people in Paris, taking lives, destroying families, and spreading fear and evil in their path. In just a moment everything changed.

Our world shrunk, we came together on Facebook, Instagram, as communities, countries and as a tiny globe in support of one another in a time of uncertainty. It is in these moments, that those words of Antoine de Saint – Exupery ring true decades after they were written.

In this time of horrible loss, we begin to see clearly what truly matters…love, family, freedom. It is my hope that out of such pain will come a clarity to us all that,” It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes November 13, 2015

Finding your path

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

The Little Prince

This past week I was asked to speak to a group at my alma mater, USC about philanthropy, which as you all know is a vast topic. When pondering what specific message I wanted to convey to these young students I decided on the topic of finding your path.

We all start life lost and unsure where it will take us and where we are going, much like the book The Little Prince. His journey was about being lost, lonely, friendships, love and loss. What we so often lose sight of, is what is truly important is not material or seen.

Our journey in giving is no different from our journey in life. Until you know what gifts you have and what speaks to you, it is very hard to find your way. The path only becomes clear once you realize that your challenges become your greatest lessons and gifts. The road signs from those lessons show you the way.

The hope is that if we learn from our roadblocks, we will continue to grow, thrive and explore new and exciting paths. As I told the students, “Giving, service and charity have healed me in unexpected and unimaginable ways. And while my journey continues, It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Charity Matters.

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