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What Matters? November 23, 2015

A house full of noise

As Thanksgiving week begins, there is much to be thankful for this year. My sons are heading home from school mid-week, the house will be full of noise, chaos, friends and all that fills me up. There is simply nothing better than a noisy full house that is alive.

This year just as our house begins to fill in one area we will begin emptying in others. A process that for many, is cathartic, renewing and invigorating but for me has been difficult. My husband can rifle through a drawer never notice the saved birthday card, the tiny memento and in a moment have it all in a box. Yes, he wins on efficiency…

However, for me each drawer uncovers a memory, a moment, a special something and I find myself looking backwards at our life and all it has been. Where has it gone? How are our sons in college?Remembering how we were and filled with nostalgia.

I am reminded by many, that this is a process that most go through at some stage of life and I find myself wondering if it easy for everyone or this difficult? I know being sentimental does not and will not lend itself to our new mid-century zen home and that,”stuff” and memories are not the same. Yet, each item triggers another memory, another moment and a place in time that brings smiles and tears.

So, as the house fills with the noise and the chaos of the week, I am full of gratitude. We have been blessed with 3 amazing healthy sons, a life full of family, friends, fun and memories and a home that has anchored much of it. As the tears, roll down my cheeks and the house fills with noise I know that this is what matters and I am blessed.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? November 18, 2015

Clearing Out

This week clarity is on my mind. Seeing clearly, what is important. As many of you know, our home is in escrow and we are beginning the process of clearing out. What initially seemed to me like a simple closet cleaning has become so much more. It is the editing our story, tossing out a piece of our past to make way for our future.

Each item tells a story, has a history or a moment in time that is no longer relevant. The process of clearing out and decluttering becomes about more than the item but by the space found by its absence. It becomes about clearing out not just closets but oneself and a clarity of what is truly important.

Taking inventory of what matters and what must stay. The reality is that the life time of collecting things, one realizes how little they mean. The possibility of an open white canvas, our new modern home and simplified life style is more than stuff. It is a fresh start, a new beginning, a time to reprioritize.

Before the new chapter can begin, the letting go, clearing process and closing of this chapter must start. If there is one thing I know, it is there is no clarity in clutter and not an ending without a new beginning.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? November 16, 2015

What is essential is invisible to the eyes

“Il est seulement avec la coeur que l’on ne voit bien ce qui est essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.”

Le petit Prince

What a difference a few hours can make. Last friday I shared the quote from The Little Prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Within hours of that post, terrorist attacked innocent people in Paris, taking lives, destroying families, and spreading fear and evil in their path. In just a moment everything changed.

Our world shrunk, we came together on Facebook, Instagram, as communities, countries and as a tiny globe in support of one another in a time of uncertainty. It is in these moments, that those words of Antoine de Saint – Exupery ring true decades after they were written.

In this time of horrible loss, we begin to see clearly what truly matters…love, family, freedom. It is my hope that out of such pain will come a clarity to us all that,” It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes November 13, 2015

Finding your path

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

The Little Prince

This past week I was asked to speak to a group at my alma mater, USC about philanthropy, which as you all know is a vast topic. When pondering what specific message I wanted to convey to these young students I decided on the topic of finding your path.

We all start life lost and unsure where it will take us and where we are going, much like the book The Little Prince. His journey was about being lost, lonely, friendships, love and loss. What we so often lose sight of, is what is truly important is not material or seen.

Our journey in giving is no different from our journey in life. Until you know what gifts you have and what speaks to you, it is very hard to find your way. The path only becomes clear once you realize that your challenges become your greatest lessons and gifts. The road signs from those lessons show you the way.

The hope is that if we learn from our roadblocks, we will continue to grow, thrive and explore new and exciting paths. As I told the students, “Giving, service and charity have healed me in unexpected and unimaginable ways. And while my journey continues, It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes October 12, 2015

Why?

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

Mark Twain

Living a life full of purpose has been my mission since my mother’s ended so abruptly in a car accident more than a decade ago. While a tragedy, that loss became my blessing and began to show me the why.

The why hasn’t come easily or with a lighting bolt, but rather a slow unraveling of signs that continue to guide me in clarifying my purpose. There are days that I know I am living it and giving all I have to make the world a better place. Those days are the ones when my gifts are used to their greatest potential and the greatest good. But those are often far and few between, it is those other days that the questions persist.

Why? What is my purpose? I want to believe that it is that singular question that drives us throughout our lives. I can only hope that at the end we know that we have given our best, loved deeply, shown compassion and lived a life full of purpose…and perhaps have the answer.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? September 30, 2015

Addicted to philanthropy?

As you all know, I have been doing more than my share of soul-searching these past few months. A second son off to college, an almost empty nest, the approach of that “big birthday,” a move and a host of other life adventures are just a few of the things that have triggered this reflection.

One of the things I have been really looking at is how I spend my time. Is my time a true reflection of what is important to me? The answer is a bit of a mixed bag and has me wondering if I am addicted to philanthropy? Serving others is a rush, an incredible feeling of knowing that you did something to make someone else’s life better but somewhere along the line there needs to be a balance….or so I am told.

I have interviewed and met so many incredible people through Charity Matters and believe it or not, I am not the only one with this “service addiction.” No, I am not saying that it is somehow ok because I have company, but what I do find fascinating is how many of us are out there. People who just can’t get enough of giving their time to causes (often many) that they are passionate about.

Recent studies by Northwestern University Medical School neurologist, Jordan Graftman have shown that the brain’s frontal lobe lights up in MRI’s when people give and the brain’s pleasure and reward circuits rev into high gear as well, releasing dopamine to the brain. So there is and physiological and chemical reaction that provides the same great feelings that food, sugar, sex and some drugs provide.

Doing anything to an extreme is never a good idea, even philanthropy. As I ponder, how to give my time and energy to what and who is most important in my life. I am questioning where I spend this precious gift and how it is best used. Being an addict is never good but I suppose if I had to pick a vice, it sure could be worse.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration September 28, 2015

Dreaming Big

I was raised by parents who told me I could do or be anything and somewhere along the line I began to believe them. “No” has never been a word in my vocabulary, for better or for worse. Did I mention that being stubborn is also part of the equation? The result of this is being a bit of big dreamer.

Over a decade ago, a friend reached out and asked a group of us girls for help. He was the one of two chaplains at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles. He shared his vision for help, support, families having chaplains of all faiths before surgeries, end of life, celebrations and simply someone trained to listen and provide faith and hope. It was a tall order for a group of women who had never started a non-profit before but a perfect big dream.

Within a year of the launch of The Spiritual Care Guild we had chaplains 24 hours a day 7 days a week. But big dreamers don’t stop at that, they keep going because once one dream is achieved, its time to make the dream bigger. Each year the Spiritual Care Department grew as did its integral role in the hospital, with staff and patient families.

Like all good dreams, they can’t come to an end. Then five years ago, the dream expanded to having a chapel that would accommodate people of all faiths, families, patients, staff and give them a place to pray, to think, to hope and to dream. This was the biggest dream of all, especially in a hospital where real estate is reserved for medicine and all that goes with providing excellent health care to tiny patients.

However, last week that dream became a reality. I stood in the physical space, now a construction site, that will become the new Interfaith Center at CHLA. It was such an amazing moment to see what happens when people come together with a common goal, a big dream and a huge team effort. Dreams do come true and the bigger the dream the better!

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration September 15, 2015

A Gift from the Sea

As I mentioned last week, the need to run, to escape and to take a breathe….I found myself heading towards the ocean with a gloomy mind on a brilliant sunny day. Salt, sea and sand have been a life long source of peace, happiness and comfort. I realized quickly that I wasn’t running but rather running on empty. That vicious cycle of giving until there was nothing to give.

I arrived with journals, stacks of books, and “plans to relax.” However, the ocean had bigger plans. The sound of surf that lulls you to nap, the warm water that calls you in and the miles of sand that beg to be walked upon and the pile of projects quickly became a distant thought.

One book that I brought along with me was Anne Morrow Lindenberg’s, A Gift From The Sea. As I opened the first chapter these words told me all I needed to know,”One becomes, in fact, like the element on which one lies, flattened by the sea; bare, open, empty as the beach, erased by today’s tides and of all yesterday’s scribblings.”

I came to the sea for peace, solitude and renewal but what the sea gave me was much more. It gave me the moment to look inward for strength, to find my core and to know that giving must come with purpose. Anne Lindenberg’s words were my thoughts, “Only when one is connected to ones own core is one connected to others. For me, the core, the inner spring, can be best refound through solitude.”

As I leave the beach on a gloomy cloudy day it is with a sunny attitude for all that lies ahead, for the gratitude of friends, family and the life I am blessed to have and with a renewed focus on what really matters.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration September 11, 2015

Find Your Sanctuary

On the heels of the “mid-life crisis” post, a girlfriend sent this to me. It spoke to me beyond words and was created for a new ad campaign in Great Britain called Find Your Sanctuary.

Next week, I have decided to go in search of my sanctuary for a few days. A time to relax, breathe, reflect, write and simply be.

Charity Matters.

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Raising Philanthropic Children August 31, 2015

Are you a Global Citizen?

The other day I took our first-born to his new college, yes he is transferring. As a result, I sat through yet another college orientation, my second in 2 weeks. Having now been through three of these events, I found myself fascinated that all of these institutions of higher learning keep speaking of our teenagers as “global citizens.”

Yes, I have known since my first time at Disneyland that, “It’s a Small World After all” but this term, “global citizen,” has become a constant reference at these orientations. It seems to be a new SAT vocabulary word or perhaps something from the new version of the college dictionary? Regardless, the question these great institutions are asking of their students is how will you contribute to the world? Pretty strong stuff for kids that were just at Senior prom a few months ago….just saying.

The question began making me think, what is my answer. How am I contributing to the world? Wow, even halfway through my life with a handful of ideas that is such a big question. Yet, it is an awesome question to ask yourself. Is there something that I have done that makes our world, our universe, our planet a better place? Answer: stay tuned.

I think whats even more exciting is that our children are beginning to ask themselves at such an early age as to how can they use their gifts to make our world better. If that what college is teaching these days, then I think we are on the right path. It is a small world after all.

Charity Matters.

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Education August 24, 2015

Rachel’s First Week

As thousands of us packed up our children and sent them off to college this past week, I thought it was important to share the story of a young college coed named Rachel Fiege. A story, which is every parents worst nightmare, one that we hear every year and sadly one that continues to be told over and over.

The story of a young girl Rachel, an incoming freshman at IU, who goes off to her first week of college full of hope and promise until a night of drinking ends in tragedy.

While the story is tragic, it is the message of hope that comes in taking this senseless tragedy and turning it into a mission to avoid it reoccurring in the future. Taking this devastating loss and empowering these new college freshman to mentor high school seniors to avoid this story from ever being told again.

Charity Matters.

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What Matters? August 17, 2015

Its done

Well, its done. He is launched. We did all of the obligatory schlepping, moving, buying, unpacking and settling in that comes with sending a child off to college. A lifetime of work boiled down to a few short crazy days and then in a blink its done.

A huge smile and a hug from our son, as he told me,”Don’t cry Mom its going to be okay.” Of course it is and he is right (words he will love to read in print, by the way). But “okay” somehow isn’t enough.

When our son was a newborn, we went to a party and put him under a table, while he napped in his car seat. We left the party with our toddler and 20 minutes later realized that the baby was not with us. A sickening feeling, that I will never forget, took over my body as we rushed back to find our beautiful son, asleep exactly where we had left him under the picnic table.

Today, eighteen years later, that same feeling is back. It sounds so crazy and yet, I feel like I went home from the party without him and every maternal extinct is screaming, go back! Go back! Nature can be so cruel, this primitive instinct of mothers and children is so hard-wired into us, regardless of the circumstances and our intellect.

While the job of parenting is never done, for now I will try to overcome this incredible sadness, that an amazing chapter in my life has closed and a wonderful new one has opened for our son.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Quotes August 10, 2015

A mother’s sendoff

“Mother is her son’s first god; she must teach him the most important lesson of all – how to love.”

T. F. Hodge

This is it. The boxes are packed and tomorrow we leave to send our second son off to college. Many have said these past few weeks, “you have another son or you have done this before, it won’t be that hard.” Well, I am here to say that if I had a hundred children or just three, each time one leaves a piece of my heart is ripped out.

Our second son, is an amazing young man and is ready to fly. He is kind, compassionate, strong, smart, funny, sensitive and determined. He is the kind of person that walks into a room and lights it up with his smile and confidence. This is simply who he is, and has always been.

We are so proud of him and yet saying goodbye is agonizing. My brain knows that he is heading to an amazing school and that he will thrive. My heart however, is breaking. I know that this is a journey thousands of mothers are going through and a right of passage into manhood. The passage from this mother’s view is blurred, as the tears pour down my cheeks and I watch part of my heart walk ahead towards his future.

Charity Matters.

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Charity Matters Inspiration August 5, 2015

Mothers to the Rescue

Our sons have all attended a high school with the motto, “Men for Others.” Service is at the core of the school’s philosophy. As a result, the most remarkable young men come from this school and George De La Rosa, is no exception. When I heard what this junior in high school has done, it brought tears to my eyes. George is the founder of the volunteer service called Mothers to the Rescue. He was inspired to help children who are growing up without a mother, as he has. His goal, to simply provide a mom…even if temporarily…. to help provide those “mom moments” of back to school shopping, getting ready for prom or even the holidays.

“I created this organization because I was forced to grow up throughout most of my life without a mother. When I was seven, my mother unexpectedly died due to a complication during surgery. I want to give others what I never had and that is the opportunity of having a strong helpful mother figure to teach him/her lessons that only a woman can teach. I want to provide others with the opportunity to have a strong woman who can “come to the rescue” and help shop for school clothes, prepare for proms, dates, and have the ability to ask any questions about life.”

George began pairing his volunteer moms with children in need just around Valentine’s Day this past year and is currently applying for his non-profit status.

“Every Child deserves a mother, and I want to afford all young people who grew up without a mom, the opportunity to experience love and life lessons from a woman.” George is living proof of being a “Man for others” and I am sure his mother is smiling down on him and all those children whose lives he changes.

Charity Matters.

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