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Altadena Fires 2025

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The healing power of helping

I wrote this piece a couple of weeks ago and waited to share it here because it was picked up by a few places and published, which was really lovely. Now that it is “out” I wanted to share it with you….

“We lost everything in the fire.” She pulled out her phone and showed me the charred remains of what was once her beautiful home in Altadena. The loss, the sadness and shock were real but where Marie said this was almost as shocking as the tragic images of what was left of her home. Marie was volunteering and helping other victims of the fires in our Pasadena/Altadena community and she wasn’t the only one.

When tragedy strikes, it is easy to think about what has happened to us? Who is it that thinks about others while they are suffering? After interviewing hundreds of fellow nonprofit founders over the past decade, I have learned that many know the path to healing begins by helping others. All of these individuals have suffered a loss of some sort and recycled their pain for purpose.

As we were folding clothing at our tables at the Pasadena Elks Lodge to distribute items to families who had lost everything in the fire, my fellow volunteer Denise told me, “I would much rather be here helping others than thinking about what has happened in my neighborhood.” Teary eyed and sad, she went on to tell me that she has always volunteered and that is how she met so many of the people in her community. Years spent helping in the classroom, with sports teams and so many groups that make Altadena a special place to live. While those places may be gone, the community spirit that created this idyllic neighborhood is not. We are seeing this day after day as the community begins to dig out from the rubble of their lives and start the healing process.

According to the US. Census Bureau and Americorp, over 75.7 million or 28.3% of the US population age 16 and up formally volunteered in 2023. That is more than one out of four Americans. Those hours add up to over 5 billion hours of formal volunteering, that is an average of 66 hours per person or eight business days. Meanwhile, over half of Americans age 16 and older say that they provided informal help to their neighbors.

Living in the Pasadena community my entire life, I have seen this community come together time and time again to help one another in times of loss. When I lost my own mother in a tragic car accident two decades ago, our community rallied around us in ways we could never begin to repay. Neighbors paid my parents bills while my father was in a coma. Meals came for six weeks while we attended three funerals from the accident. Friends mailed our Christmas cards and bought diapers for our young children and the list goes on. This what this community has always done and continues to do in the face of tragedy. Like the beautiful San Gabriel Mountains which were formed over centuries of earthquakes, this community will rise from the rubble as it continues to give and learn to receive.

It was  in receiving that I learned the power of giving to heal. A year after our family’s tragedy, a group of friends and I started a nonprofit at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles to provide chaplains of all faiths to CHLA. It was serving that community that healed my own loss and grief in unimaginable ways. The power to see an other’s pain somehow deflects your own. It is through serving others we gain empathy and perspective that puts us on the long path to healing.

Dr. Ervin Staub Ph.D wrote in his December 2011 article in Psychology Today entitled, The Altruism of Suffering that, “Healing, by talking about one’s suffering to  empathic others, contributes. Support from individuals and community, society embracing those who have suffered, is of great value. After some of these experiences, people may be ready to begin to help others, learning by doing that further changing them.”

When I asked my girlfriend Stephanie if I could start a Go Fund Me for her after she and her family lost everything in the Altadena fire. She asked me if instead I would consider starting a fundraiser for the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank, where she is a board member. My reply was, “You don’t own a toothbrush!” In the end, we did both. Each of us recognizing each other’s needs to help.  Stephanie recognized that her friends needed an outlet to heal  by supporting their Go Fund Me. While for Stephanie, supporting her beloved LA Regional Food Bank  is a way for her to begin the healing process while helping others.

As one friend told me, “Things don’t always end up how you hope or plan that they will.  We are discovering the most amazing support from our community and everyone around us. I am reminded daily of the love that surrounds me during one of the most difficult times in my life.”

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

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Ways to make a difference

The Distribution of Love

This past week regardless of where we live we watched some of the most devastating fires sweep across LA and my home town of Pasadena and the surrounding communities. We were evacuated from the fires along with tens of thousands of people. We are the lucky ones because we are safe and our home is fine. Thank you to everyone who reached out. It was scary and surreal. Living in a canyon, fire is no stranger, but this was other worldly.  At least 10 of our friends and counting have literally lost everything with thousands and thousands more impacted. We are all in shock, devastated, depressed and the sadness hangs like the smoke.  The carnage is truly unimaginable.

The loss of every possession you own is beyond devastating but it is the loss of place that is worse. The place where your child took their first step. The place where you celebrated  birthday parties and back yard barbecues. The place where you lay your head at night is your place in this world. Your home is the place where your life existed and now there is no place. In Altadena and in the Palisades, not only are the homes gone but so are the churches, the schools, the markets and all of the places that create a community. All of it is rubble. Where is their place? It is the one thing our friends really need and the one thing we can not provide, their place. It is simply too much to comprehend.

What just happened was a death. The most unimaginable loss and as in most deaths, everyone you have ever known shows up in the first two weeks. There is more food, calls, and text than you can process. It is overwhelming the outpouring of love you receive when someone dies is overload. This is what is happening to all who have lost everything. They are in shock and our community is a hub of activity because there is a loss and people want to help.

We all feel better when we help but sometimes we do not think about the person who is receiving it. Do they need another casserole? Do they need clothes that I was going to give away or perhaps would they like to go and buy their own pair of socks? Oftentimes give without thinking about the recipient. We want to distribute our love and fill their closets but they don’t have a closet, just yet.

My life prior to nonprofits was in the software business, more specifically distribution. My job was to make sure that the software was sold into the distributors, who would then sell it to the stores and the consumer would buy it. Nonprofits work much the same way when you think about it. We are distributors of good, not necessarily goods. The nonprofit makes sure the consumer gets the product that they need. An important role for sure.

In a time of tragedy there is a time and place for many nonprofits to step in and help. However, if we can go directly to our families rather than through distribution, in this situation, I think it is more impactful. These families need cash and gift cards plain and simple. They will still need to pay their mortgage and find a place to live and pay rent. There will be a gap before insurance payments can be processed. Families will need socks, toiletries that they want to pick out because they like their shampoo and they will need money to do that.

For the first time, I am urging people to go direct to a Go Fund Me if you can. If you know someone who knows someone think about supporting these families directly. If you don’t and want to reach out I am happy to direct you to a few. Realize that like a death, the grief process is long and slow and everyone will need support more than just in the first two weeks. Support is sometimes a call, a text, a walk, a dinner invitation in your home.

While the casserole is lovely, it is when the silence sets in, in these coming months and years ahead that the need will be the greatest. Yes, give now and jump in but please, please do not forget these people the way we have forgotten about those in Maui and North Carolina. We need to continue walking with our own communities for the long haul because that is the journey ahead.

So many have asked for local resources to give and I wanted to share a few here. Please do not hesitate to reach out if I can direct you to a family in need or a school that is trying to support their students. Loyola High School at current count has 100 students without homes. Mayfield Jr. School has 21 families and Mayfield Senior has a large number of families who lost everything and these are just a few communities trying to support their own.

Nonprofits to support the LA/Altadena WildFires:

LA Regional Food Bank– The Food Bank is distributing food to many of the nonprofits on the ground and families in need. I have also set up a fundraiser for the LA Food Bank on the Charity Matters Instagram Account @CharityMatters or please go direct.

Baby2Baby–  This wonderful nonprofit is assisting with diapers, formula and all things families and children need when all is gone. They do amazing work and so far have distributed over 1.5 million emergency supplies to children impacted by the fires.

World Central Kitchen– I have seen Chef Jose Andres at the Pasadena Convention Center feeding fire fighters and people who are evacuated there. When there is a catastrophe anywhere in the world he is there to feed people and support. Chef Andres just recently received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, a well deserved recognition.

California Fire Foundation– The Cal Fire Foundation supports firefighters, their families and the communities effected by fire. They are currently distributing $250 gift cards to families that lost everything.

Pasadena Humane Society– We had over 350 animals arrive the first night to the Pasadena Humane Society with burned paws and singed all over from fire. They need donations and have been overwhelmed with volunteers. The Humane Society is also looking for families to take in animals and foster them until their parents are found or in a place that allows pets.

Thank you all for the outpouring of love for our community. While this has been the worst of times, it has also been the best of times. Each act of kindness shows us the best of humanity. People are good, generous and kind. We are so grateful for all of the love you are sending our way to distribute.

CHARITY MATTERS.

 

YOUR REFERRAL IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT,  IF YOU ARE SO MOVED OR INSPIRED, WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO SHARE AND INSPIRE ANOTHER. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please connect with us:

Copyright © 2025 Charity Matters. This article may not be reproduced without explicit written permission; if you are not reading this in your newsreader, the site you are viewing is illegally infringing our copyright. We would be grateful if you contact us.

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